My Sweet Boy

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Budding Artist

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Taking a Stand

Family has always been very important to me.  I have always prided myself on making the people around me feel loved and cared for.  I do not have a lot of money or material possessions, but I have a heart full of love, and to me, that means more then anything money can buy.  Once I got married, I looked forward to embracing a new set of people to my family.  Yet, it is very hard when there is a few people who seem hell bent on making sure I do not feel welcome in the family, and want nothing more then to feel they can tell me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and retaliate when they do not get their way.  I'm not here to name names or put anyone on blast.  However, it has gotten to the point where I have just had enough.  I was the bigger person, extending a hand of friendship for the sake of the family, for the children, and yet all I have gotten in return is grief.  My son is a wonderful child with a beautiful and budding personality and sense of humor.  He is happy, healthy, and is so loved.  Again, I may not be able to afford him expensive toys, clothes, birthday parties, and the like, but to him that doesn't matter.  All he wants is the love of his parents and his family and he has that in abundance.  I refuse to feel sub par because others have more means then I do, or are able to do more for their child then I can do for mine.  But honestly, isn't that just teaching them that life is about money and material possessions, and that if you don't have that, your not worth anything?  As much as I hate it, I am very good at putting on a friendly face and demeanor around people that I do not favor, and I have tried so hard to find a place of forgiveness for past transgressions because the Lord wants us to forgive those who have trespassed against us.  However, just because I forgive, doesn't mean I ever forget, and it doesn't mean I need to associate myself with those who make me feel as though I am unworthy of their time.

The last straw is being called out as not being a good parent.  This truly cut me to the core.  My parenting skills, who I am as a mother, all stems from the greatest example of motherhood I have ever seen, and that was my own beautiful mother.  Like me, she did not have a lot in terms of possessions and money, but she has love and that was all I needed from her.  I parent my child the way she parented me, and I know I am doing right when I see how smart my son  is, how much he has learned and knows in just his three short years of life, and my husband steps in as a father should.  We are responsible parents, caring for his well-being, and I dare anyone to tell me my child is not taken care of.  I don't really know why certain people think we are not as good as parents as we could be.  I could call out some behavior that I have seen that I believe is not conducive to a good parenting relationship and style, but I would never stoop to that level.

As a child, I was bullied almost everyday throughout elementary and junior high school, before times such as these were bullying is now not tolerated and it is dealt with.  Being a child with a disability is not easy, but when I came home, my mom made sure I never felt different, that I was treated normally, and home was my safe place.  Now, as an adult, I feel as though I am being bullied by someone who has come into my safe place, and is attacking me emotionally.  However, I refuse to stand for this any longer.  In order to not feel bullied and to not get my feelings hurt, I am removing myself, and my family, from the situation.  We are real people with real feelings and we will not get them trampled on any longer.  This is not behavior our son needs to see or be apart of, because soon I fear that negativity is going to be placed on my child.

If I have learned one thing from this year, and the loss we have dealt with, it is that life is just too damn short. Too short to be dealing with drama and heartache.  I need happiness and positivity in my life, or I sink back into a place of sadness and grief that I try everyday to overcome.  If you love me and my family, you are here to support us, then your welcome into our lives and into our home.  If  not, then we cannot have you in our lives anymore.

Happy 3rd Birthday John!

While it isn't quite midnight yet here in Arizona, tomorrow, October 23rd, is John's 3rd birthday.  Today was his last day to be two, and I have to admit I felt a little sad about that.  He is growing so fast, and it seems as though time has just flown by.  I already feel as though I am forgetting little things he did as a newborn, and I find myself remembering today little noises he made, and the first time he smiled, rolled over, crawled, and took his first steps.

Today my son isn't so little anymore.  He is a very big boy, as he told me yesterday while eating dinner.  I asked if he needed help getting the pasta on his fork and he looked at me and said, "No, I'm a big boy".  Boy, isn't that the truth!  He is such a fun age now, where we can have little conversations, his sense of humor is coming through, along with his personality, and he is so smart and witty and funny! 

More then anything, though, I have come to realize this year just how much of a blessing this little boy has been not just in my life, but in the lives of everything who knows him.  It has been a very hard year for our family, but what made me get out of bed after everything I've been through, what made  me continue on with life and our daily routine, and put a smile on my face, was this sweet boy.  He didn't understand, and still doesn't understand, what we are going through and how we are grieving.  He just knows that he needs me to be mommy, no matter what.  He makes me laugh when all I want to do is cry, and he is helping to bring back that light in my life that went out when I lost Mom.  Without him, I would not be as strong as I am today.

My mom used to tell me how she was in love with me, and I really didn't understand how she could be in love with me until I become a mother myself.  Now, I understand what she meant by that.  You cannot help but fall totally in love with your child.  3 years ago I looked into his little eyes for the first time, and that was it: instant love.  Love that has grown everyday since.  At the time, he didn't know me, and I didn't know him, but we knew we needed each other.  I don't care if he is 3, or 30, he is always going to be my sweet baby boy.

Happy 3rd birthday John!  Mommy, Daddy, Papa, and everyone one else in your family loves you so much!!!

My son, the genius

I have decided that my little man is a genius.

Yes, yes, I know what your going to say, all parents think their children are the smartest things they have even seen.  I am no exception :)

I would have been blogging more about the smart child that I have, except that one day I opened up my laptop to discover that most keys on the keyboard had been plucked off by my smart child.  I was ready to read him the riot act, however he cozies up next to me, points to the keyboard and with a sad face and those big, brown, puppy dog eyes says, "I broke it, you fix it?"  I tell him no baby, mommy can't fix this, you broke it and you know you are not supposed to touch things that belong to mommy or anyone else.  He just looks at me, gives me a kiss, and says "I fix it Mommy".  Smart kid...knows how to butter up the mommy so her heart melts with how sweet he is and will forget about the very bad thing he has done.

Besides being a normal, destructive two year old boy, he is really become quite the smart little man.  He is very inquisitive, and has a thirst to learn new things each day.  First came colors.  He has these Mega Blocks, which he loves.  He will spend all day building what he calls "big block towers" that are taller then he is, then watch them fall down as he yells "TIMBER".  One day he started bringing me the different colored blocks and asking me what they were, so I would tell him the colors.  That was it, he was telling us colors of everything.  Numbers came next.  One of his favorite shows on Nick Jr. is Team Umizoomi, which are tiny superheros that use their mighty math powers to solve problems in their city.  They teach numbers, shapes, measurements, and the like.  He started telling me the numbers he was seeing on the screen before they would say it on the show, so I started counting with him and showing him the numbers.  Now he counts to 10 with ease, and is working on counting to 20.  From this he also learned his shapes, and can tell point out to me rectangles, triangles, pyramids, diamonds, squares, ovals, circles, cylinders, and even pentagons! 

The ABC's have been what we are currently working on.  Again, those blocks he loves to build with have the letters on them, and he started bringing me the blocks and pointing to the letters and asking me what they were. So we started using the blocks to teach him his letters, and of course he picked that up like no one's business.  Now he can tell us every letter of the alphabet.  I began singing the ABC song to him multiple times a day, and now he is starting to sing it to me, although there are letters missing from the song :)

On the subject of singing, this is his newest hobby.  He has finally learned how to sing songs.  He sings "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" and "Itsy Bitsy Spider" (with the hand movements).  There is also a women on Nick Jr. who sings songs and does sing language and he has started singing those songs around the house and doing some of the sign language. 

His vocabulary grows by leaps and bounds everyday.  He can string up small sentences together, and he can tell us things he wants.  Like tonight, he was playing with a bouncy ball and it somehow got into the kitchen sink.  He came over to me and said "Mommy ball in kitchen, come get it".  He is also just a little parrot, and says the funniest things.  The best part is that he knows he is funny.  He has a great personality.

He loves books, and at nap time and bed time we sit down together on my bed, him laying in my lap on a big blanket, and we read.  The other night I came into my room for reading time and he was sitting on my bed with his favorite book open.  I sat down next to him and he began "reading" the story to me page by page, picking out key things he knew about the story to tell me.  This shows me he already has great comprehension and memory skills.

Our only struggle at this point is potty training.  He knows what a potty is, and he knows what you do in the potty, but when bringing out the little potty and getting him to go on it is a struggle.  I have kept him bottomless, so that he is more aware of the urge to go, and explain that when he has to go, he sits on the potty.  He brings me a diaper instead and tells me "Please Mommy, diaper", and will hold it until the diaper is on, or he just pees on the floor.  I know he can figure this out, but either he likes the security of the diaper, or he is just being stubborn.  So it is a work in progress.  I'm not pushing him because I don't want him to get frustrated or have anxiety over using the potty, but it is mentioned all the time that big boys use the big potty.  I have also switched him over to Pull-Ups so he gets more of the underwear type feeling then the diaper feel. 

I am just so proud of my little man.  I think everyday as I watch him grow and play that my mom is missing out so much on this.  This is the age she loved and was so excited to watch him be because she would always so this is when they are so much fun.  I know she is watching over him.  There have been a few times very recently where he has been playing by himself and I hear  him say "Hi Geema", which was his little nickname for grandma, and he'll act like he is talking with someone.  The other day after he mentioned "Geema" a few times while I was in the kitchen, I went over to him in the living room where he was sitting on the couch with toys.  I asked him where Geema was, and he looked at me and said "Geema at doctor".  I know when Mom was going to her appointments a lot I would tell him we were taking her to the doctor.  Then I asked him where Geema was now.  Anytime I ask him he points to the ceiling and tells me "Up there".  This isn't something I have addressed with him yet because at the time she passed, he has no idea what happened and was so little he never asked where she went.  She spent so little time in this house that I think he was used to her not being here.  It may have been different if we were still living over in our old apartments.  But now as he is getting older he is mentioning her more, which makes me believe she is probably giving him little visits.  I plan on putting together a scrapbook of her with all the boxes of pictures she has just for him, and then we can sit down together and I can tell him stories about her.  I think she would like that.

Happy 33rd to Me

A few days ago, I celebrated my 33rd birthday. It was a quiet day here for me, just doing what I do everyday, taking care of my little boy. As nice as it would have been to get out and do something, who the heck wants to go out when it is 110 outside!? Not this lady...

It was a hard birthday for me though, the first one without my Mom. She loved celebrating my birthday so much, any birthday in fact. When I was a kid, she threw me a birthday every year from the age of 5 to 18. She'd spend time planning the menu and the games and who we should invite. When I was 16 and decided I didn't want a birthday pary, she decided to throw me a suprise party anyway. Once I became an adult, we didn't have anymore parties, but she always made sure that I had a cake and nice dinner and we spent it together. 

I'd like to think that in Heaven, she was up there with my family and throwing me a party up there, still enjoying the day. Or at the very least, she was looking down and smiling, remembering it was my special day. It just brings it closer to home that these are events that she will no longer be apart of with us in person, but only in thought and spirit. Four months later, and I still feel like I am in shock, like I expect her to just walk through the door at any minute.

But I know that she would want me to continue to live my life to the fullest, and celebrate these events and holidays with the same enthusiam ad gusto that she always did. And so I will.

Posting a little Bzz on Filippo Berio

For those of you who don't know, I am a member of a site called BzzAgent (www.bzzagent.com), which deals with word of mouth marketing.  You will be invitied to campagins based on your likes and what fits best with you based on survey answers, and they send you bzzkits, which contains a free sample of the product, plus coupons to pass along to family and friends.

I recently was invitied to join their Filippo Berio Olive Oil Campaign.  I was excited to try this brand, because I do love to cook with olive oil, it is healthy for you, and well, I am Italian, olive oil is something we love to cook with!  I normally only buy the store brand though, because other brands are just too expensive.

The other night I have some chicken that was stuffed with aspargus that I had purchased at Fry's, and I drizzeled a little of the Filippo Berio on top.  The first thing I noticed was how think the oil was, not runny like the store brand.  Also, the flavor was so good, I could actually taste what real olive oil should taste like.  It is now my go to oil whenever I need to sautee some chicken or veggies, or just as a little dressing on a salad.