First Night Alone

Phil left this morning a little after 11am. When we woke up this morning we packed all his things and loaded the truck. I tried to make that time go by slowly, and we just kept looking at each other with that look that meant we knew we were going to have to say goodbye soon, but neither one of us wanted to talk about it. Unfortunately, though, that time came and even though I had tried so hard all morning to not cry, the minute he hugged me goodbye I couldn't help myself. Our goodbye wasn't long, because I don't think either one of us could have handled anymore tears, from both of us, and I think it was better that way. Watching him drive away was so hard though. I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for a month and going back into the house alone just broke my heart. I know, its only a month, 30 days, but it is still so hard. Its amazing how someone can come into your life and just change things for the better and make such a difference on who you are. The days I am actually OK being alone, as I am used to it when he is at work. But it's the night that is hard, when I get lonely, when I look over at his chair to tell him something or laugh over something that is on TV and then I remember he's not there. But the night just means he is one more day closer to coming home. I am thinking positively. And it helps that we talk all the time, he calls and checks in, and I call his motel room to check in. He took my laptop to have Internet so we could email, but there is no Internet in the place he's at, so at least we have phone calls, and we both plan on sending letters to each other.

The good thing is that we are finally going to get the money we need to get our business off the ground. He can get licensed and bonded so he can be an independent contractor and I will run the office end of the business from here. As hard as it is to be away from each other, the payoff is worth it.

I should try to lay down and get some sleep, its after midnight and I am usually in bed by this time, but I can't sleep. I am used to him being here, and its hard sleeping alone. Funny how a few months ago when we moved in together I had a hard time sleeping because he was in the bed and I was used to sleeping alone, now its the opposite. But the sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I can stop missing him at least for a few hours.

I promise tomorrow will be a better, happier blog. I am just sad tonight, but as the days go by and I get used to being alone here, I will be better. But I have some good news to blog about, so check back tomorrow! For now...goodnight!