First Night Alone

Phil left this morning a little after 11am. When we woke up this morning we packed all his things and loaded the truck. I tried to make that time go by slowly, and we just kept looking at each other with that look that meant we knew we were going to have to say goodbye soon, but neither one of us wanted to talk about it. Unfortunately, though, that time came and even though I had tried so hard all morning to not cry, the minute he hugged me goodbye I couldn't help myself. Our goodbye wasn't long, because I don't think either one of us could have handled anymore tears, from both of us, and I think it was better that way. Watching him drive away was so hard though. I knew I wouldn't be seeing him for a month and going back into the house alone just broke my heart. I know, its only a month, 30 days, but it is still so hard. Its amazing how someone can come into your life and just change things for the better and make such a difference on who you are. The days I am actually OK being alone, as I am used to it when he is at work. But it's the night that is hard, when I get lonely, when I look over at his chair to tell him something or laugh over something that is on TV and then I remember he's not there. But the night just means he is one more day closer to coming home. I am thinking positively. And it helps that we talk all the time, he calls and checks in, and I call his motel room to check in. He took my laptop to have Internet so we could email, but there is no Internet in the place he's at, so at least we have phone calls, and we both plan on sending letters to each other.

The good thing is that we are finally going to get the money we need to get our business off the ground. He can get licensed and bonded so he can be an independent contractor and I will run the office end of the business from here. As hard as it is to be away from each other, the payoff is worth it.

I should try to lay down and get some sleep, its after midnight and I am usually in bed by this time, but I can't sleep. I am used to him being here, and its hard sleeping alone. Funny how a few months ago when we moved in together I had a hard time sleeping because he was in the bed and I was used to sleeping alone, now its the opposite. But the sooner I get to sleep, the sooner I can stop missing him at least for a few hours.

I promise tomorrow will be a better, happier blog. I am just sad tonight, but as the days go by and I get used to being alone here, I will be better. But I have some good news to blog about, so check back tomorrow! For now...goodnight!

Last Night Together

Phil leaves tomorrow for his month-long work trip to Morenci, AZ, which is about four hours away. As much as I am very sad that this is our last night together in a month, I am happy that it is going to allow us to start our business, and our life. We'll never have this opportunity again to make this sort of money.

The house is a mess, clothes everywhere, stuff of mine from my parents house littered across the place just waiting for a permanent home. After dinner we're going to start packing up his clothes and stuff, so in the morning we just have to get him loaded up. After that, it is up to me to get everything put away and re-organized (with the help of Grandma Beth), so that when he comes home he has a nice place to come home to once again.

I'm trying not to let him see how sad I am, and how much I am going to miss him, but I am afraid tomorrow when it is time for him to go, I might just break down in tears. But it's only 30 days, and I think I have enough to keep me busy for awhile so the time will go by fast...

...or else I'll just do a ton of weird and pointless video blogs ;)

Sad, Yet Good News

Phil is going to be going out of town for business, leaving Monday around noon. His work told him this was the next assignment they had, and nothing else local. He made a bunch of calls yesterday looking for work around the Valley, but nothing panned out. So he is off to a city called Morenci, AZ, which is almost by the Arizona/New Mexico Border, down near Safford. It is four hours away, and the sad part; He will have to be there a month, working 10 hour days, 7 days a week.

Now, you might be asking,"Where is the good news?" Well, despite the fact that he will be gone for a month and we are going to miss each other like crazy, he is going to make an awesome amount of money, enough so that when he gets home, we'll be able to start our contracting business, so he can do his own thing and not only make a lot more money, but also have stable work, since what he is doing now, he could be working at a job site and then 2 days later, they send him somewhere else, or tell him there is no more work available. As much as I don't want him to go, this is really an opportunity of a lifetime, we will never have this chance to make this much money in a month's time again, and be able to not only start our business, but still have some left in the bank for a rainy day.

It seems, to me, that despite the fact that we're happy to have this chance to finally get on our feet financially and get everything we've wanted to start finally started, that there is an air of sadness in the house. I feel for him, because he is going to be working such long hours, 7 days a week, and I feel so bad that I can't be there with him, so at least at night when he's dog tired, he's got a friendly face to come home to. But I am giving him the laptop to take so we can chat and email, along with phone calls. Yet I feel so proud of him, and so grateful, to have a man who would do anything, even this, to help us have a better life.

I worry about it though, him working so hard like that. It will be so easy for him to get stressed out and burned out, and I worry, what if he gets hurt on the job or something. As much as it sucks for me to have to be alone here for that long, it is really nothing compared to what he is going to have to be doing, working so hard with not even a day off. Frankly, I don't want to see him do it, I don't want him working himself that hard. But then, what choice do you have, when you have to pay the bills and get things done. Its times like these that I wish I was capable of being able to work and bring in more income then I do with my disability. Then maybe he wouldn't have to work so hard for us.

For me, I'm really not sure what I am going to do with myself around here, but then this isn't about me, its about him and all he has to go through the next month. I'm not really worried about having to be along, I am fine being alone, I am a loner by nature so me and alone time actually are pretty good friends. But its going to get old, and fast. Of course, I have people who will come by and visit, like my family and Mindy. Its not like I am going to alone in that aspect, but alone in the fact that my other half won't be here. But I am trying to think of the positives that are going to come out of this, and not focus so much on the negative. Its not easy, but it is just a month right? Geez, that seems like such a long time. I hope it goes by fast.