What do you do when the cable is out?

You finally get things done around the house you've been putting off!

Phil is working on my side of town for the rest of the week, and I told him yesterday that I would pick him up and take him to work, since he doesn't have his truck yet. So I set the alarm on my cell to go off at 4:30am, giving me 30 minutes to actually get my lazy ass out of bed. I am not used to getting up that early, its been awhile. I got in the shower, which woke me up, and got myself dressed and out the door. I forgot how nice early mornings can be. There wasn't a lot of traffic, which was nice, and the weather was beautiful. I felt surprisingly awake, of course getting to see Phil made my day, since I always miss him like crazy.

Once I dropped him off at work and got back home, I discovered that the cable was out, meaning no phone, television, and of course, no Internet. Now I don't care about the phone and the TV, but no Internet! You know me and my laptop, we're attached at the hip!

So I took a look at the bathroom, realizing I have been neglecting it, mostly because I hate cleaning the bathroom, so I got to work, then decided while I had the energy, I might as well clean the kitchen and the living room, dust, sweep and mop the floors, and take out the trash. Then I started some laundry and ran the dishwasher.

By the time I was done not only was the house sparkly clean, but the cable was back on! So I made myself some lunch and been relaxing here online, checking emails and whatnot. Phil should be getting off work fairly soon, so once he calls I will go pick him up and take him home. I wish that taking him home meant going home with him, but for right now this is just how it has to be. But that will change soon, and I am very excited about that. But as he told me last night and today, there is nothing worse then having someone in your heart, and not having them in your arms. He's such a sweetie.

I am thinking I might have to get up early more often. I have had more energy today that I have had in a long time. Usually when I wake up I am always so lethargic during the day and get nothing accomplished. It was nice to get everything done in the house this morning, and then having the afternoon to myself. And I get to see Phil again soon, and I can't wait!

More Kimbo Ramblings

I was in such a bad mood today, and I am not even sure completely why. This is the happiest time of my life, being engaged to a wonderful man who as of August I will be so proud to call my husband. But I just feel out of sorts lately. Like I am not sure what to do with myself, its as though I am unsure of myself and my abilities. And I know it is silly. I guess when one chapter of your life ends and another begins, it just makes you think. But I wouldn't trade any of this.

I did come to realize the other day my relief that I will no longer ever have to deal with dating. Putting yourself out there, getting rejected, meeting weirdos, getting your heart broken. I am done with it all, and it is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've never been one who enjoyed dating. First dates were something I dreaded. There is nothing worse then going out with someone for the first time, and being on your best behavior, trying to impress them, with the every annoying awkward silence that always happens. No wondering after the date if your ever going to hear from them again. Dating to me seemed like an interview process. Trying to show that person how much better you are then all the rest of the prospects.

I deal much better with relationships, being with that one person, knowing that no matter what, they are there for you. I am excited about getting married!! It is something that I have always wanted. I am a natural caregiver and nurturer, and the idea of having a spouse and children and a home to take care of has always appealed to me. I look forward to having Phil come home from work and telling me about his day while we have dinner together, and being able to have him be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. Having him beside me through life, through good times and bad, knowing that I will never have to be alone in this life, because even when we are apart, he is still with me.

I was perfectly content being alone, and being single, for the rest of my life. I had actually resigned myself to being that way. But now that I met him, my life has meaning, and it has a purpose, and that is to love him and be the best wife and mother to our children that I can be. I wonder, and even worry, at times that I may not be a good wife, that maybe I won't be able to make him happy. But I see now I just need to be myself, be the women that he fell in love with, and that by doing that, I will be good at this wife thing.

Its just time for me to stop worrying about the little things, and focus on being engaged and being happy and just let life happen as it does. Things will be a lot better though once we are together on a daily basis, and we don't have to go days being apart. I think right now that's what a lot of my problem is, I miss him so much. When we are together, it feels right. To leave him at the end of the night, it just feels wrong. Watching him walk away, its heartbreaking.