Fun at the SSA

Part of newly married fun is getting to change your name to your new husband's last name. Only thing is, trying to get your name changed can be such a hassle, and one that makes you, according to my friend Kelly, never want to get remarried and have to do the process all over again (haha).

Arizona now has a new building in downtown Phoenix on 7th Ave and Van Buren that handles changing your name, you can no longer go into a local office near your home. For those that aren't familiar with the Phoenix Metro Area, let's just say this office sits in the middle of ghetto town, surrounded by illegal immigrants looking to get picked up for work. This office is about 40 miles from our house, so since Kimbo Husband had the day off, I made him take me down there to get this done once and for all.

This new office was really nice, and luckily there wasn't that many people there, and after being searched by the security guard, it only took about ten minutes before they called our number. The guy asked for pretty much all my information; social security number, mother's maiden name, city and date of birth, everything except asking for my first born. He then asked if I would be changing my name to Fry, or a different name. I wanted to say, "Um, is there another name on that paper?". But I was polite. At the end, Phil joked with the guy asking how quickly I could get my name changed back to my maiden name, and the guy just gave Phil this dead on stare and we thought,"Wow, this guy is not to be joked around with!". Finally he says, "You know, I've been waiting for when my wife tells me my time is expired", and then started joking around with us..phew!

After this, we had to go downstairs to the Social Security District Office, because I had to make sure to get my name changed for my disability benefits and Medicare. This place was a lot more packed, so we go to sign in. The woman asks for my full name, so I said since I just changed it upsets, my name is...and I gave her my full name, using Fry. Then I kinda laughed and told her what my maiden name was and I said I guess I have to use my new name now and she looked at me and sternly said, "Not Yet!". I was like, whoa lady! So she enters me into the computer and tells me they will call my name, and then proceeds to tell me they will call me by my first name and my maiden name, just in case, I don't know, I forgot what my maiden name from ten minutes ago. I finally get called up to a window and everything gets changed over, and I ask the lady when I will be getting my new Medicare card and she says, "Oh, I guess I can order one of those to be sent to you". Hmm...ya think that might be a good idea.

So I got out of there and now I have to wait two days for their system to update before I can go and get my driver's license changed, and after that I can go through the process of changing my name at the bank, credit cards, and all that fun stuff. Who knew changing a name would such tough work!

It is strange though, because in a sense I sort of feel like I don't know who I am anymore. Well, I guess that really isn't quite true, but when you have had one name for 28 years, and then all the sudden you have a new name, and you have to learn to write that instead of your old one, and you have all your legal documents being changed, I sort of feel in the middle between two people, the old me and the new married me. When I have to write my new name, I have to take a second before writing it because I keep writing the old one, and when someone asks me my name, I have to correct myself because I forget. Don't get me wrong, I am not upset about having to change my name, on the contrary I am very excited about it. I just find it strange how in an instant your suddenly a new person with a new name.

Marriage: A One Month Review

Tomorrow Phil (also known as Kimbo Husband) and I will have been married a month. Surprisingly, it seems like it has been a lot longer. Not in a bad way, mind you, but I suppose because even though the entire year we were together we weren't legally married, we felt married to each other.

A few people have asked me if married life feels different, and honestly, I have to say not really. At first, it seemed sort of strange. We talked so much about being married, but when it happened I remember looking at him thinking, "Wow, I actually have a husband", and then "Wow, we've really made a huge commitment". But overall, we really stepped into marriage as if it were already a comfortable old shoe, it was familiar and nice, and seemed like it was just the right thing to be doing.

Life really hasn't changed for us, I don't feel differently about him then I did before, and our normal day to day routine hasn't changed. We sort of just got married, and then went back to doing what we do. We've had our hard times though since being married, and it is all due to finances, which what couple doesn't get stressed about money. Work is slow and the gas prices are killing us, and we get frustrated over it and can at times take it out on each other, but we have never been a couple to yell and scream and fight at each other. A voice may be raised, but we love each other enough to take a step back and say let's take a look at what's really bothering us, or letting the other know your not upset with them, but this is what is bothering you.

The one thing I do love, though, is being able to say I am married. My whole life I have always wanted a husband, and a family. When I was younger, say my early twenties, I felt that the whole purpose of life was to meet someone and get married and start a family. As I grew up, I realized that getting married wasn't the most important thing in life, which is maybe why I ended up finding Phil and fulfilling my dream. I no longer hold marriage up on some pedestal where I thought life would be easy and blissful. Instead I know that it is full of rough patches and ups and downs, but if the love is there, you can make it through anything. But there are a few things I love, such as being able to, in conversation, make mention that "my husband did this", or "my husband and I went here". And of course, I love wearing my ring and being able to look down at my hand and see that symbol of our love and commitment to each other.

Now, I know that as our marriage continues, the newness will wear off and I won't look at my ring all the time and show it off, and won't keep saying the word husband in every other sentence, but right now I am just enjoying being a wife and looking forward to where our life is going to take us.

I now pronouce you Mr. and Mrs. Kimbo

Well blog friends, I am proud to announce that as of 5pm yesterday, Phil and I were pronounced husband and wife. I am now officially Mrs. Phillip Fry.

May 9th was our one year anniversary of the day we first met, and we decided what better day to get married then on our anniversary. As much as we wanted to have a bigger celebration with our families, money didn't permit it, and instead we had a very small, intimate ceremony with my parents with a justice of the peace. He performed a very beautiful ceremony, he had some wonderful things to say about marriage and the commitment we were making to each other and he actually had a tear in his eye as he performed it. We figure after a day of having to deal with court and sending people to jail, it must be so nice to end the day by marrying couples.

After the wedding my parents took us out to dinner and we had a great time. There was a balloon artist there who came up to us and asked if we wanted a balloon and my mom told them that we had just gotten married, so he made me a balloon that looked like a whip and Phil one that was handcuffs haha! And my mom also told the waitress that we had just gotten married so at the end of the meal she brought the both of us a dish of ice cream, on the house.

It was a very fun day and night, and even though we didn't do anything special or have a big fancy celebration, it was perfect for us. We have already felt like we were married for the past year, but now we just made it officially. I never thought that I would have the chance to get married but now that I am it feels nice to know that I have a family of my own now. I have always wanted someone to stand by my side and support me through life's ups and downs and it is so nice to look at him and know that he loves me unconditionally and that we have our whole life together to make wonderful memories.

Gobble, Gobble

I hope you all had a happy and safe Turkey day!

Since coming home from the hospital last week, I was so drained of all my energy and could barely take a shower without having to take a nap afterward. So I rested up all week to be able to feel better for Thanksgiving and it worked! Phil and I spent the holiday at my parent's house and dinner was amazing, as always, and we came home with so many leftovers, not to mention a huge apple pie that we haven't even had a piece of yet.

Now, this means it is officially my favorite time of year....Christmas!! I am so excited to have my own place to decorate this year. I was going to get a 6ft tree that I saw at Walmart for $20, but after looking around here, there really isn't a great space for me to put it, so we are going to get a pre-lit 4 or 5ft tree that will fit perfectly on one of our end tables, plus this way we don't have to worry about the dog eating it, since Brandi is at the age where she eats everything. And once my mom goes through her Christmas boxes, she is going to give me my snowman stuff, since I adore snowmen and love this time of year so I can bring them all out.

So as you can see, I am feeling better. I am starting to feel like myself again, finally, which I wasn't sure was going to happen. I don't have all my energy back, but I find that I can do more things around the house before having to take a rest and I am starting to act more like myself, instead of just sitting around feeling so down in the dumps. I am dealing with the miscarriage well too, I was really sad about it at first, which is to be expected, and it was hard for me to even look at anything that was a baby or was baby-related. And even though I do get sad now when I think about it, I know that it was for the best and that when we try again, we're going to have a happy and healthy baby. But there are times, when I see people with babies who you know shouldn't be parents, I wonder why do they get to have a baby and I couldn't. But I think that is to be expected.

Right now I am just putting all my focus on the upcoming holiday and making it the best ever. Phil hasn't really had a Christmas as an adult, he said he never usually puts up a tree or anything, so I am looking forward to giving him a really Merry Christmas. Oh, and I know that most of you knew that Phil and I were supposed to be getting married this week, but we had to cancel the wedding and the reception since there was no way I was feeling up to both. So I was very disappointed because I was so looking forward to everything, and had been for the past month. But we decided that we are going to get married after the first of the year, this way it is after the holiday, which is always a busy time for everyone. We also decided that we are going to get married and have the reception on the same day, so that our family can see us get married, which is important to us.

Well, that's about all the updates I have for right now, so time for me to get off here and get some dinner started, because this is one hungry Kimbo. Talk to you soon blog friends!

Memories

This afternoon, while cleaning out a few unruly drawers in my closet, I came across a newsletter I used to put out in high school, called the "Nappy Noodle News". I'm not exactly sure how it all came about, but I would have different sections talking about concerts I had attending, what people were doing, even a silly advice column. It was almost like the early beginnings of my now blogging addiction. My mom helped me put it together and write it, and at the time, it was a hit with my group of friends, leading others to put together the same thing.

Reading through it today, I got a good belly full of laughs as I remembered why I had written some of what I did, and thought back to have fun and carefree life was back then. In October, our class is celebrating our ten year reunion and it amazes me how not only time flies, but life can change in the short amount of time.

Ten years ago, I was such a different person. In a way I wish that Phil could have known me back then. I was so outgoing, so full of life, and fun. I didn't have a care in the world, I would do and say the craziest stuff just for a laugh. I had no responsibilities, life was just a game. My health was a hell of a lot better then it is now. Ten years later, I find I am more of a homebody then the girl who was out every weekend. Responsibility lays heavily on my shoulders, bills and other financial worries are always on my mind, and with my upcoming nuptials, there is going to be a lot more on my plate. Instead of just flying by the seat of my pants, I am the first one to stop and think about how any decision I make is going to affect me or my relationship. I never in a million years thought at 18 that at 28 I was going to be getting married and starting a family of my own.

There are still times when I feel like I am that 18 year old girl, unsure of where she is going in this world and how she is going to get there, full of hopes and dreams. Not a care in the world. Thinking of being a married women can seem sometimes scary for me, as I am not used to running a home of my own, and I feel like I might fail, or not know what to do. But looking at Phil, and the future we have planned, there isn't any amount of money in the world that would make me want to go back to that place in time. As scary as it might be, entering into a marriage and a family, its a venture I am very happy to take.

Haul Ass!!

I've decided that I need a golf cart. On Saturday, Phil decided he wanted to play golf and asked me to come along with him. We live on a golf course, our backyard overlooks the 6th hole. Only problem is that it was afternoon on a hot, Arizona summer Saturday, and Kimbo doesn't like being out in the hot. Phil, of course, doesn't mind the heat at all, more then likely because he works out in it everyday. Now, of course, I can't golf, so I told Phil if I was going to spend a few hours in over 105+ degree weather, I was driving the golf cart. Being in true Kimbo fashion though, I couldn't just drive the cart nicely..no no no. I hauled ass! It was so much fun! There was no one out on the course, so we pretty much had the whole course to ourselves except for a few times when there would be a golfer ahead of us. And Phil had fun playing a round, and it was nice spending time with him.

Sunday was a pretty relaxing day around here. Phil's brother Mike stopped by to see Phil's new Jeep that he got last week, so I met him for the first time. That's the first member of his family I have met so far. I have to admit I was a little nervous to meet his brother, they are very close and I would hate for his brother not to like me. But all I can be is myself, and just hope that his family will like me, at least even a little bit.

Sitting here looking at the calendar, I realize that next month we'll be in Vegas and I will be a married Kimbo. It's a little strange to think of me being married. I suppose its because I pretty much figured I was never going to get married, and resigned myself to being alone for the rest of my days. Funny how life can twist and turn and take you to unexpected places. But I am going to like married life, I think. So far living with Phil has been pretty damn easy, we get along well, we're not stepping on each other's toes, no fighting. He lets me do my own thing, just as I let him do his, I don't feel like I need to be attached to his hip or anything. I know that if I want to go out without him, he'd be fine with it, and vice versa. I think that's important in a relationship, to be able to spend some time away from each other, so that when your together again, you have things to talk about, and you have a chance to miss the other person. I know that when he is at work during the week, I miss him like crazy until he comes home. But my favorite part of the day is after dinner, when the dishes are done and the house is closed up for the night, and he and I just snuggle up in bed, watching TV and talking and laughing until its time to go to bed. That's what I am looking forward to having for the rest of my life.

Kimbo: A Fisherman??

I have never been an outdoor type of girl. I prefer climate controlled establishments over trekking out in the elements, shopping over sports, and computers over camping. Frankly, being outdoorsy or woodsy just never appealed to me. I don't like to get dirty. Its not that I am a totally girly girl, I just prefer to be indoors. I am very much a homebody.

My sweet fiance though, is an outdoors kinda man. He loves to hunt, camp, fish, shoot, all that good stuff. He's not the kind who likes to stay indoors for long, as he enjoys getting out of the house and doing something. Now, in a way, this is good for me, because I need to get out of the house more, I spend way too much time here and way too much time in front of this laptop. But its my comfort zone, and true to my Cancer nature, home is where I feel safe.

I knew a few weeks ago that I must love this man when we ventured into the new Bass Pro Shop store in Mesa. This is just not a store Kimbo would ever go into, but Phil was so excited and how could I not go in with him after seeing how cute he was. He's mentioned going hunting, which I told him I won't do for two reasons, which is 1. I just couldn't go out there and kill an innocent animal, I would feel terrible and 2. With my luck, some wild animal will start chasing me and I can only go 4mph in this chair. Camping...eh, I don't know, it doesn't sound like much fun to me, and again, the whole wild animal chasing me scenario plays in the head. Shooting...no way! I can barely look at a gun without getting scared, and I am sure as hell I would shot myself in the foot, because I am that clumsy. Now an air rifle...maybe...but a real gun, no.

Fishing...well, that's a possibility. I'd given some thought to it, after all, its something he loves and I do want to be able to share in one of his pastimes, just as I know he would do the same for me. So Sunday we went into the Sportsman Warehouse and I saw their fishing section and told Phil, "I want my own fishing pole." He was surprised, and I told him that I really did want my own, after all, if I was going to try out this fishing thing, I wanted to have my own equipment. So we picked out a nice pole and he got me all set with a tackle box and a lot of different things that I have no idea how to use.

For those who know me, I am sure your getting a laugh out of this, because whoever thought Kimbo would be out there with a fishing pole, trying to catch some fishes? Sure as hell not me! I already told him that I am not touching a fish, and I don't want to touch the bait either because I don't want to go around smelling like stink bait. I know, I am such a wuss. I am not sure when we are going to go fishing, maybe this weekend over at Power Ranch. I might hate it, then again I might love it. My thought is that relationships and marriage are all about compromise, and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. So I told him I would try out this fishing business, as long as he doesn't say anything when I ask him to go to the symphony with me.

More Kimbo Ramblings

I was in such a bad mood today, and I am not even sure completely why. This is the happiest time of my life, being engaged to a wonderful man who as of August I will be so proud to call my husband. But I just feel out of sorts lately. Like I am not sure what to do with myself, its as though I am unsure of myself and my abilities. And I know it is silly. I guess when one chapter of your life ends and another begins, it just makes you think. But I wouldn't trade any of this.

I did come to realize the other day my relief that I will no longer ever have to deal with dating. Putting yourself out there, getting rejected, meeting weirdos, getting your heart broken. I am done with it all, and it is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've never been one who enjoyed dating. First dates were something I dreaded. There is nothing worse then going out with someone for the first time, and being on your best behavior, trying to impress them, with the every annoying awkward silence that always happens. No wondering after the date if your ever going to hear from them again. Dating to me seemed like an interview process. Trying to show that person how much better you are then all the rest of the prospects.

I deal much better with relationships, being with that one person, knowing that no matter what, they are there for you. I am excited about getting married!! It is something that I have always wanted. I am a natural caregiver and nurturer, and the idea of having a spouse and children and a home to take care of has always appealed to me. I look forward to having Phil come home from work and telling me about his day while we have dinner together, and being able to have him be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. Having him beside me through life, through good times and bad, knowing that I will never have to be alone in this life, because even when we are apart, he is still with me.

I was perfectly content being alone, and being single, for the rest of my life. I had actually resigned myself to being that way. But now that I met him, my life has meaning, and it has a purpose, and that is to love him and be the best wife and mother to our children that I can be. I wonder, and even worry, at times that I may not be a good wife, that maybe I won't be able to make him happy. But I see now I just need to be myself, be the women that he fell in love with, and that by doing that, I will be good at this wife thing.

Its just time for me to stop worrying about the little things, and focus on being engaged and being happy and just let life happen as it does. Things will be a lot better though once we are together on a daily basis, and we don't have to go days being apart. I think right now that's what a lot of my problem is, I miss him so much. When we are together, it feels right. To leave him at the end of the night, it just feels wrong. Watching him walk away, its heartbreaking.