About Me

- Kimbo Central
- San Tan Valley, AZ, United States
- A wife and mommy to a beautiful three year old son, blogging about being a mommy, and taking care of my family.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Time to lay low for awhile....
I've done a lot of thinking tonight and I decided that I need to just lay low when it comes to the whole dating thing. I sort of jumped into it again, without really feeling it. I'm not sure, I suppose because I miss companionship, I miss having someone to go do things with, I miss the company of a man.
The problem is number one, I've come across nothing but guys with weirdo sexual fetishes or just want to hook up for sex, or who just generally give me a bad feeling. I just don't have the time or the patience to deal with it.
My second problem is that my interest is elsewhere, or I should say, on someone else. And frankly, I just don't want to go out with anyone right now. I have no idea if anything would ever happen again with this person, but right now, this person is on my mind a lot. And I'm pretty sure he knows I am still interested, and I sort of have the feeling he's still interested too. But sometimes its just not the right time, for whatever reasons, which I don't need to discuss here.
So I've taken my ad off these sites, and I am going to do something I haven't done in awhile, which is focus on myself and what makes me happy. There's so much I want to do, places I want to go, I need to get myself out of the house more, spend time with friends. Friday night I had so much fun with Mindy, I felt good and I was in a state of happy that I haven't been in for a long time, and it felt good. I need to get back to that.
When its meant for me to meet the right person, then it will happen. But right now, I feel good about this decision, really good. I deserve love and happiness and to be with someone who will treat me with kindness and respect. And I will find that, eventually. Right now though, I'm happy with it just being me.
The problem is number one, I've come across nothing but guys with weirdo sexual fetishes or just want to hook up for sex, or who just generally give me a bad feeling. I just don't have the time or the patience to deal with it.
My second problem is that my interest is elsewhere, or I should say, on someone else. And frankly, I just don't want to go out with anyone right now. I have no idea if anything would ever happen again with this person, but right now, this person is on my mind a lot. And I'm pretty sure he knows I am still interested, and I sort of have the feeling he's still interested too. But sometimes its just not the right time, for whatever reasons, which I don't need to discuss here.
So I've taken my ad off these sites, and I am going to do something I haven't done in awhile, which is focus on myself and what makes me happy. There's so much I want to do, places I want to go, I need to get myself out of the house more, spend time with friends. Friday night I had so much fun with Mindy, I felt good and I was in a state of happy that I haven't been in for a long time, and it felt good. I need to get back to that.
When its meant for me to meet the right person, then it will happen. But right now, I feel good about this decision, really good. I deserve love and happiness and to be with someone who will treat me with kindness and respect. And I will find that, eventually. Right now though, I'm happy with it just being me.
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Its Mindbottling
Last night I took a break from all my creepy Internet dating weirdos and went out see the movie Blades of Glory with Mindy.
Oh my holy fuck cow, this movie was hilarious!! I think I laughed through the entire thing! I love Will Ferrell and Jon Heder, and they definitely make a great team. I need to see this movie again, and when it comes out, I am definitely buying it!
Saw a few cute guys, of course they were either with someone, or there was a cute manager who smiled at Mindy and who I tried to chase after for her haha!!
As for boy news...no weirdos to report tonight. Jay wrote me tonight to tell me he is having a good time in San Francisco, which I thought was really nice, I didn't expect to hear from him. I still like him, a lot, and I wish that things could have worked out. We have so much in common, its crazy! Who knows, maybe it still will one of these days, I don't know. He's an amazing guy and he deserves all the best. At least we are still really good friends right now, and I do care about him, a lot.
There is also a guy that I have known for a few months, we've talked on and off, and last night he said he'd definitely wants to go out sometime. He said he's not looking for anything serious, just fun, but I have a feeling he might just be looking for a sex buddy and you know, I deserve better. I am worthy more then just some roll in the hay. So I am leery to go out with him, because I feel he might expect that. If he wants to go out and date and have some fun without pressure to jump into bed, then I am game, but there is just something in my gut that tells me not to get involved in that. Plus, I'm not sure if I am really feeling this whole dating thing. Maybe I need to just step back, get away from the weirdos and the guys who just want sex. I guess I am at the point in my life where I am looking for something real. I don't need a man in my life to make me feel complete, but I like companionship. I want to be with someone because they enhance my life. I have so much to offer, and I know what a catch I am. Its just a matter of finding someone who can appreciate that.
Who knows...
Oh my holy fuck cow, this movie was hilarious!! I think I laughed through the entire thing! I love Will Ferrell and Jon Heder, and they definitely make a great team. I need to see this movie again, and when it comes out, I am definitely buying it!
Saw a few cute guys, of course they were either with someone, or there was a cute manager who smiled at Mindy and who I tried to chase after for her haha!!
As for boy news...no weirdos to report tonight. Jay wrote me tonight to tell me he is having a good time in San Francisco, which I thought was really nice, I didn't expect to hear from him. I still like him, a lot, and I wish that things could have worked out. We have so much in common, its crazy! Who knows, maybe it still will one of these days, I don't know. He's an amazing guy and he deserves all the best. At least we are still really good friends right now, and I do care about him, a lot.
There is also a guy that I have known for a few months, we've talked on and off, and last night he said he'd definitely wants to go out sometime. He said he's not looking for anything serious, just fun, but I have a feeling he might just be looking for a sex buddy and you know, I deserve better. I am worthy more then just some roll in the hay. So I am leery to go out with him, because I feel he might expect that. If he wants to go out and date and have some fun without pressure to jump into bed, then I am game, but there is just something in my gut that tells me not to get involved in that. Plus, I'm not sure if I am really feeling this whole dating thing. Maybe I need to just step back, get away from the weirdos and the guys who just want sex. I guess I am at the point in my life where I am looking for something real. I don't need a man in my life to make me feel complete, but I like companionship. I want to be with someone because they enhance my life. I have so much to offer, and I know what a catch I am. Its just a matter of finding someone who can appreciate that.
Who knows...
Announcing Weirdo #3
After this....I am just speechless. There isn't even much I can say....the email speaks for itself. Apparently this guy thinks I am over 60...and well...hahahaha...there are just no words....I couldn't make this stuff up if I tried!
I know you are older than I , and I know alot of women have strong feelings about age differences of the fact that I am black and you are white.
If you can put aside theses diffences, and if you truly believe that the inside is far more important than the outside.then you are the tpye of person that I would like to know .
I understand friends first, and then we see what wants.But besides that, I am looking for someone who likes to travel go to social events, etc...the things you see in the phoenix new times or get out magazines.
I normally go to this functions, for my business, but there is no reason who someone else can not enjoy these events.
If you are tired of sitting at home, or you want to meet new friends, or even better yet...help me with some of my community outreach projects...all the better.
but all that is extra, I like to meet great people in general, and we can do great things together...the inter net allows us to talk and meet in private, and plan on the great things we want to do...
let me know if you are interested...
if you are not you do not need to e-mail to tell me no.
Actions speak louder than words...
You can see pictures of my art work or I can send them to you...
Also you will see what I mean as bottomheavy, or i can send pictures...
And no, before you ask , I do not know these women, they are pictures from a public bbw site at yahoo groups.I had to find the pictures because women have some funny views of themselves.
they all seem to think that they are bottom heavy, and they are not even close...this has happened so many times, that i had to show them the pictures...
anyway, i believe all people are important. All. and the inside is far more important than the outside. Period
............................................................
e-mail sbmphx@yahoo.comvoicemail
(602) 790-1314
I would like you to leave me a voice mail, if you are interested in meeting or talking, leave a number and I will call you back
............................................................
This is what women put in their ads
I'm an attractive, bubbly, honest, fun, and down to earth girl with a positive attitude about life in general. I love to try different restaurants, movies, occasional nights on the town, almost anything outdoors such as swimming, boating, camping/fishing. I also like to snuggle on the couch with a great movie, with a bowl of popcorn and candles. I am an excellent cook and love to do it. I am as comfortable in jeans and t-shirt, as I am dressed to the max. I would like to find a guy who is honest, trustworthy and knows how to treat a lady. Someone as faithful as I am. It would be great to get to know each other so well, that we didn't even have to tell the other what we're feeling, but that we'd already know. I am a good person and would like to meet the same. Drop me a line and let's see what we have in common!
.......................................................
since you have read up to this point, I will assume that you are interested....
I am looking for a woman who wants a black lover.
I am looking for a woman who wants a long term , commmiteed loving relationship...who wants sex.
no I am not looking for a one night stand, nor just sex, nor do I want to treat you like a slut...you are not a slut...you are not a lonely desperate woman, looking for love...you are a woman who simply says yes , without guilt.yes
I know you want to be safe, and no I do not want your money...wwhat I want money can not buy
I want you to say yes, or at least maybe...
You can do a background check and i will give you references, so you can feel safe...
No i do not want you to jump in bed with me on the first date....we can date first, we can go out to swap meets, antigue malls, social events...
we can appear to be lovers to the public, or i can just appear to be you computer tutor...you can tell people what ever you like...i know the need to keeping up appearances...you have friends, children, and grand kids....you are mom...I understand.
but I want you to say yes, and even on the first date, I will want you you wear a dress, with no underwear, i will be a gentleman, and ask for your permission, but i will want to put mt hands under your dress, and between your legs to feel how wet you are, and even on the first date I will want to rub and kiss between your legs to see how long it takes before you climax and come all over my hand...this will allow me to see how much you want it....
If we decide to see each other or spend time together, I will want to see you at least two times a week...during the weekday and on any day on the weekend...
i will want to spend the night, so I can rub you butt and kiss you all over, all night long...
i will want to give you my sperm...We can stay at my place or at your place...you can come to my place at any time, that way you can see for yourself that I am not sleeping with other women...I have always had the abilty to find the women who want and need sex...but i like to be honest and up front and not hide anything...
you will have proof that you are the only one, and that I am not sleeping around...in return you will let me have it...i like to fuck your pussy, with you on top or from behind, or just get on top of you at any time, to give you all the sperm that i got....i hope you are not offended by all this talk...but i want to be honest...
what happened to my last girlfriend, she is having family trouble, and has gone back east to solve the crisis...she broke up before she left...the same is true with the girl friend before her...so you can see i did not leave them...they enjoyed the sex, but now their minds are on more important things....
i did not pick up out of a hat, I sent this e-mail to all the women who were over 60 on this website....i can show you what they said...those who wrote me back...I kept all the e-mail...
Let me know if you are interestedby saying in your e-mail...
" yes, I want a black lover..."
we will meet and talk ,and then see if we want to spend any time together...hope to hear from you soon...
Andrew
I know you are older than I , and I know alot of women have strong feelings about age differences of the fact that I am black and you are white.
If you can put aside theses diffences, and if you truly believe that the inside is far more important than the outside.then you are the tpye of person that I would like to know .
I understand friends first, and then we see what wants.But besides that, I am looking for someone who likes to travel go to social events, etc...the things you see in the phoenix new times or get out magazines.
I normally go to this functions, for my business, but there is no reason who someone else can not enjoy these events.
If you are tired of sitting at home, or you want to meet new friends, or even better yet...help me with some of my community outreach projects...all the better.
but all that is extra, I like to meet great people in general, and we can do great things together...the inter net allows us to talk and meet in private, and plan on the great things we want to do...
let me know if you are interested...
if you are not you do not need to e-mail to tell me no.
Actions speak louder than words...
You can see pictures of my art work or I can send them to you...
Also you will see what I mean as bottomheavy, or i can send pictures...
And no, before you ask , I do not know these women, they are pictures from a public bbw site at yahoo groups.I had to find the pictures because women have some funny views of themselves.
they all seem to think that they are bottom heavy, and they are not even close...this has happened so many times, that i had to show them the pictures...
anyway, i believe all people are important. All. and the inside is far more important than the outside. Period
............................................................
e-mail sbmphx@yahoo.comvoicemail
(602) 790-1314
I would like you to leave me a voice mail, if you are interested in meeting or talking, leave a number and I will call you back
............................................................
This is what women put in their ads
I'm an attractive, bubbly, honest, fun, and down to earth girl with a positive attitude about life in general. I love to try different restaurants, movies, occasional nights on the town, almost anything outdoors such as swimming, boating, camping/fishing. I also like to snuggle on the couch with a great movie, with a bowl of popcorn and candles. I am an excellent cook and love to do it. I am as comfortable in jeans and t-shirt, as I am dressed to the max. I would like to find a guy who is honest, trustworthy and knows how to treat a lady. Someone as faithful as I am. It would be great to get to know each other so well, that we didn't even have to tell the other what we're feeling, but that we'd already know. I am a good person and would like to meet the same. Drop me a line and let's see what we have in common!
.......................................................
since you have read up to this point, I will assume that you are interested....
I am looking for a woman who wants a black lover.
I am looking for a woman who wants a long term , commmiteed loving relationship...who wants sex.
no I am not looking for a one night stand, nor just sex, nor do I want to treat you like a slut...you are not a slut...you are not a lonely desperate woman, looking for love...you are a woman who simply says yes , without guilt.yes
I know you want to be safe, and no I do not want your money...wwhat I want money can not buy
I want you to say yes, or at least maybe...
You can do a background check and i will give you references, so you can feel safe...
No i do not want you to jump in bed with me on the first date....we can date first, we can go out to swap meets, antigue malls, social events...
we can appear to be lovers to the public, or i can just appear to be you computer tutor...you can tell people what ever you like...i know the need to keeping up appearances...you have friends, children, and grand kids....you are mom...I understand.
but I want you to say yes, and even on the first date, I will want you you wear a dress, with no underwear, i will be a gentleman, and ask for your permission, but i will want to put mt hands under your dress, and between your legs to feel how wet you are, and even on the first date I will want to rub and kiss between your legs to see how long it takes before you climax and come all over my hand...this will allow me to see how much you want it....
If we decide to see each other or spend time together, I will want to see you at least two times a week...during the weekday and on any day on the weekend...
i will want to spend the night, so I can rub you butt and kiss you all over, all night long...
i will want to give you my sperm...We can stay at my place or at your place...you can come to my place at any time, that way you can see for yourself that I am not sleeping with other women...I have always had the abilty to find the women who want and need sex...but i like to be honest and up front and not hide anything...
you will have proof that you are the only one, and that I am not sleeping around...in return you will let me have it...i like to fuck your pussy, with you on top or from behind, or just get on top of you at any time, to give you all the sperm that i got....i hope you are not offended by all this talk...but i want to be honest...
what happened to my last girlfriend, she is having family trouble, and has gone back east to solve the crisis...she broke up before she left...the same is true with the girl friend before her...so you can see i did not leave them...they enjoyed the sex, but now their minds are on more important things....
i did not pick up out of a hat, I sent this e-mail to all the women who were over 60 on this website....i can show you what they said...those who wrote me back...I kept all the e-mail...
Let me know if you are interestedby saying in your e-mail...
" yes, I want a black lover..."
we will meet and talk ,and then see if we want to spend any time together...hope to hear from you soon...
Andrew
Friday, April 27, 2007
Bring on Weirdo #2
In the second installment of Kim's Adventure's in Dating...I bring you...Weirdo #2!
The guy lives in Los Angeles, which right away I am unsure about talking to him. Not because I have a problem with Los Angeles, after all, I was born in California, but because I don't really want to get myself into a long distance relationship. They are hard, if you don't know the person, or there is no chance your going to be able to spend any time together. There are definitely some circumstances where I would do a long distance thing, but going into something blindly, eh, no thanks. I've been burned too badly on that before.
Anyway...he says he is coming out here to Phoenix in a few months for work, which automatically sends up a flag that he's looking for someone for sex while he's in town.
His next comment was how much he loved my smile, and how he is physically attracted to me. Ok, well the compliment on my smile was nice, but how on earthy can you really be physically attracted to someone you have never even met before, and all you have seen in one or two pictures? But let's continue....
Next, he decides to tell me he loves a women, "who has a big butt and big boobs, that really gets me hot". Granted, I may have a big butt, and my boobs, well I don't think they are that big, but they are a good size. I just don't need some guy lusting after my ass and tits, especially a guy I've only known for 5 minutes.
So, we banter back and forth, on my part, mostly for entertainment value, because I knew he was going to be some good material for my blog. Does that make me sound like a bitch?? I'm really not trying to be, but I figure there's other's like me going through the same thing, why not compare notes! Plus, come on, you know its good for a few laughs.
Anyway, after some casual banter, Weirdo #2 decides to announce, out of the blue, "My dick is 6in hard, thick as a toliet paper roll, and uncircumsized."
So my first thought was....
Which made me laugh....I mean, I know he was talking about the actual cardboard roll, but can you image a guy packing something like this in his pants! Hahahahaha!
After this blunt comment, he asks for my dress size and bra size. It was at this point I had to block him.
I guess the one thing I should be grateful for is the fact that these guys are definitely honest about who they are and what they are looking for, no matter how weird or bizzare. It just amazes me, these people are out there everyday, walking around among us. And we have no idea.
In the meantime, I am getting ready to leave here in about 20 minutes to head out with Mindy to the movies, and who knows what else. So who knows, maybe I'll meet a cute boy...or two...
Wish me luck!!!
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Weirdo #1
The most interesting thing about doing the whole online dating scene, is the weirdos that cross your path, especially the weirdo disguised as a nice guy, then drops what I like to call the "weirdo bombshell" on you.
So, as you know, I put myself out on a few dating sites that I have used in the past, because from experience I have met a few nice people off them.
First off, let me say, this whole online dating thing, sort of feels like an interview process for me. You meet someone and then you talk, either via IM or email, and its basically interviewing them to see if they are worthy of your time. And you always have to keep you eyes open, and really pay attention to what they say and how they act.
Now, I'm going back into the dating thing, not looking for something serious right away. I actually just want to just have some fun, find someone to hang out with, and if it builds to more, great, if not, then I made a new friend.
So, potential suitor number 1, or as I like to call, Weirdo #1, already had warning signs going off when he started mentioning right away that he was looking for marriage. And not down the road, but soon. I want to get married, but not right now! He started in with questions, asking if I wanted kids, and if I would be happy being a stay at home mom and not working and letting the man provide for me.
Ummm....aren't you getting a letting ahead of youself, buddy?
Anyway, I keep chatting, because frankly, he was quite entertaining, and I needed a good laugh. But then, the creepiness came out. He decided to annouce that he was a virgin, a 29 year old virgin, waiting for marriage before giving over his "special gift".
Ahhhh....this explains the rush to get married!
He then went into saying that his ex girlfriend did get him into something kinky. Now, being he's a virgin, I had to wonder, what sort of kinky thing could he be into, when he said he's never touched a women in a sexual way.....me and my big mouth....
Apparently, his ex girlfriend used to invite some guy over and they would have sex while this guy sat in the corner and did nothing but watched. And sometimes these two would have sex while he was in another room. He said he liked watching his girlfriend have sex with someone and watching her be so turned on.
Uhhh....yeah....I HAD to open my mouth......
Of course, this lead him to ask if I had ever done anything like that, to which the answer was a resounding NO, and he then had the nerve to ask if I would do that for him, ya know, if we become involved.
Oh, brother!
So I told this guy that was not my cup of tea and that perhaps he needs to look elsewhere because I am not interested. And then I promptly blocked him.
I just had to laugh! I know that this turns some people on, but give me a break! It was clear by the way he was talking this guy wasn't a virgin, he was just some perv who wants to sit in a corner and jerk it. Instead of porn on tv, he wants real life porn.
So, I am sure, out there somewhere, is a guy who no issues or weird sexual fetishes. But such is the internet, you never know what your going to find. So the search continues...but at least I can use my dating adventures for blogging entertainment!
So, as you know, I put myself out on a few dating sites that I have used in the past, because from experience I have met a few nice people off them.
First off, let me say, this whole online dating thing, sort of feels like an interview process for me. You meet someone and then you talk, either via IM or email, and its basically interviewing them to see if they are worthy of your time. And you always have to keep you eyes open, and really pay attention to what they say and how they act.
Now, I'm going back into the dating thing, not looking for something serious right away. I actually just want to just have some fun, find someone to hang out with, and if it builds to more, great, if not, then I made a new friend.
So, potential suitor number 1, or as I like to call, Weirdo #1, already had warning signs going off when he started mentioning right away that he was looking for marriage. And not down the road, but soon. I want to get married, but not right now! He started in with questions, asking if I wanted kids, and if I would be happy being a stay at home mom and not working and letting the man provide for me.
Ummm....aren't you getting a letting ahead of youself, buddy?
Anyway, I keep chatting, because frankly, he was quite entertaining, and I needed a good laugh. But then, the creepiness came out. He decided to annouce that he was a virgin, a 29 year old virgin, waiting for marriage before giving over his "special gift".
Ahhhh....this explains the rush to get married!
He then went into saying that his ex girlfriend did get him into something kinky. Now, being he's a virgin, I had to wonder, what sort of kinky thing could he be into, when he said he's never touched a women in a sexual way.....me and my big mouth....
Apparently, his ex girlfriend used to invite some guy over and they would have sex while this guy sat in the corner and did nothing but watched. And sometimes these two would have sex while he was in another room. He said he liked watching his girlfriend have sex with someone and watching her be so turned on.
Uhhh....yeah....I HAD to open my mouth......
Of course, this lead him to ask if I had ever done anything like that, to which the answer was a resounding NO, and he then had the nerve to ask if I would do that for him, ya know, if we become involved.
Oh, brother!
So I told this guy that was not my cup of tea and that perhaps he needs to look elsewhere because I am not interested. And then I promptly blocked him.
I just had to laugh! I know that this turns some people on, but give me a break! It was clear by the way he was talking this guy wasn't a virgin, he was just some perv who wants to sit in a corner and jerk it. Instead of porn on tv, he wants real life porn.
So, I am sure, out there somewhere, is a guy who no issues or weird sexual fetishes. But such is the internet, you never know what your going to find. So the search continues...but at least I can use my dating adventures for blogging entertainment!
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I can't date you, because your not wheelchair accessible
I was told tonight, by a friend of a friend, that he personally could never date a girl like me, a girl in a chair, because it wouldn't look right for an able-bodied person to date "a girl like me, ya know, in a chair".
You know, I've heard this line before, but it never fails to surprise me just how intolerant and judgemental people can be. God forbid someone be a little different from them.
I know who I am, and I know what I have to offer. And all of those people who have overlooked me, or who have said I wasn't the right one for them, well they are the ones who have lost out, because they passed up the chance to be with a really wonderful girl who would treat them with the respect and love they are looking for. And I hope when they think about it, they realize I am definitely one who got away.
Maybe that sounds like I am thinking too highly of myself, but its about time I give myself the credit that's been due. I am tired of thinking that no one will want me because I am in a chair, because that's already been proven that's not true. And I am not going to waste my time listening to bullshit like this guy was spewing, and even waste my time getting upset over it. The old me, I would have been devastated hearing something like that, I would automatically turned cynical and assume this person was right, and why bother even trying to put myself out there. But not this new Kim, this girl knows what she's worth, and she will no longer let anyone treat her like she is small or unworthy of love and attention. I am tired of being ignored and overlooked, I am tired of feeling afraid of putting my heart out there, and tired being afraid of getting hurt. I am a confident women in every other aspect of my life, and its about time I become confident about this.
You know, I've heard this line before, but it never fails to surprise me just how intolerant and judgemental people can be. God forbid someone be a little different from them.
I know who I am, and I know what I have to offer. And all of those people who have overlooked me, or who have said I wasn't the right one for them, well they are the ones who have lost out, because they passed up the chance to be with a really wonderful girl who would treat them with the respect and love they are looking for. And I hope when they think about it, they realize I am definitely one who got away.
Maybe that sounds like I am thinking too highly of myself, but its about time I give myself the credit that's been due. I am tired of thinking that no one will want me because I am in a chair, because that's already been proven that's not true. And I am not going to waste my time listening to bullshit like this guy was spewing, and even waste my time getting upset over it. The old me, I would have been devastated hearing something like that, I would automatically turned cynical and assume this person was right, and why bother even trying to put myself out there. But not this new Kim, this girl knows what she's worth, and she will no longer let anyone treat her like she is small or unworthy of love and attention. I am tired of being ignored and overlooked, I am tired of feeling afraid of putting my heart out there, and tired being afraid of getting hurt. I am a confident women in every other aspect of my life, and its about time I become confident about this.
Kimbo: The Single Years
I find myself back in the single life again. And I have to admit, even though there is a big part of me that misses being in a relationship, there is another part of me that is actually grateful to have this time to myself.
I need some time to think, about what I want from life, and love. I know exactly what I am looking for when it comes to who I want as a partner. But for some reason, I keep finding myself in situations where I keep getting hurt.
A lot of my problem is that I have a huge heart, with a lot of love to give. And as much as I can deal with being single, I do miss companionship. I miss having someone to love, to take care of. So when someone out there shows interest in me, I tend to overlook all the warning signs and red flags that pop up all around me, and give the person the benefit of the doubt. Its not until I've been hurt that I can look back and think, "What the hell was I doing!?"
I've realized another part of my problem is that I get so cynical. I've been hurt so much that I feel that every relationship I am going to go into, I am just going to get myself hurt, and that in some sick way, I almost feel like its just what I deserve. If I am foolish enough to put my heart out there, and it gets broken, well that's no one's fault but my own. I automatically assume the other person is going to hurt me, or that the whole thing is going to go down in flames, usually when I start to really trust and care about the person.
But over the past few weeks, I've taken some time to really sit down with myself. And I've come to realize that I do deserve to be loved, and to be happy. I deserve to be with someone who is going to appreciate all that I have to offer, and isn't going to treat me like I am just something to be used and tossed aside. Instead of putting up all these walls around myself, and my heart, and living in fear of getting hurt, I need to open myself up to new possibilites and opprotunites. Allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling. Live in the moment. And if I get hurt, well, then I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. If I continue the way I am going now, with this cynical outlook and fear, I am going to be alone and unhappy forever. And I refuse to have that happen.
Another thing that has helped me a lot is that I see now, that not all men out there are jerks, that there are actually some nice guys out there who know how to treat a women. Dating Dave actually helped me realize that. He treated me with more respect then most of the guys I have dated, he actually cared about my feelings and who I am as a person, and even now, just as friends, he still cares and wants to see me happy. Its made me realize that there are guys out there who will be the same way and it gives me hope that I'm not going to keep having run-ins with jerks.
So..even though I am taking a little break from everything, I did put my ad back out on a few sites. I figure its going to take a little time to get some responses and actually go out on dates, which is exactly what I need to get geared up for hitting the dating scene again. I'm definitely not a fan of dating, I much prefer being in a relationship, being with someone who I know is interested in me and wants to be there. But, I look at it as sort of a new adventure. And this time around, I am going into it with a brand new attiude. I'm going to pay attention to the red flags that pop up, keep my eyes open, and lead with my head, not my heart.
Wish me luck....I know Mr. Right has to be out there somewhere!
I need some time to think, about what I want from life, and love. I know exactly what I am looking for when it comes to who I want as a partner. But for some reason, I keep finding myself in situations where I keep getting hurt.
A lot of my problem is that I have a huge heart, with a lot of love to give. And as much as I can deal with being single, I do miss companionship. I miss having someone to love, to take care of. So when someone out there shows interest in me, I tend to overlook all the warning signs and red flags that pop up all around me, and give the person the benefit of the doubt. Its not until I've been hurt that I can look back and think, "What the hell was I doing!?"
I've realized another part of my problem is that I get so cynical. I've been hurt so much that I feel that every relationship I am going to go into, I am just going to get myself hurt, and that in some sick way, I almost feel like its just what I deserve. If I am foolish enough to put my heart out there, and it gets broken, well that's no one's fault but my own. I automatically assume the other person is going to hurt me, or that the whole thing is going to go down in flames, usually when I start to really trust and care about the person.
But over the past few weeks, I've taken some time to really sit down with myself. And I've come to realize that I do deserve to be loved, and to be happy. I deserve to be with someone who is going to appreciate all that I have to offer, and isn't going to treat me like I am just something to be used and tossed aside. Instead of putting up all these walls around myself, and my heart, and living in fear of getting hurt, I need to open myself up to new possibilites and opprotunites. Allow myself to feel whatever it is I am feeling. Live in the moment. And if I get hurt, well, then I just need to pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again. If I continue the way I am going now, with this cynical outlook and fear, I am going to be alone and unhappy forever. And I refuse to have that happen.
Another thing that has helped me a lot is that I see now, that not all men out there are jerks, that there are actually some nice guys out there who know how to treat a women. Dating Dave actually helped me realize that. He treated me with more respect then most of the guys I have dated, he actually cared about my feelings and who I am as a person, and even now, just as friends, he still cares and wants to see me happy. Its made me realize that there are guys out there who will be the same way and it gives me hope that I'm not going to keep having run-ins with jerks.
So..even though I am taking a little break from everything, I did put my ad back out on a few sites. I figure its going to take a little time to get some responses and actually go out on dates, which is exactly what I need to get geared up for hitting the dating scene again. I'm definitely not a fan of dating, I much prefer being in a relationship, being with someone who I know is interested in me and wants to be there. But, I look at it as sort of a new adventure. And this time around, I am going into it with a brand new attiude. I'm going to pay attention to the red flags that pop up, keep my eyes open, and lead with my head, not my heart.
Wish me luck....I know Mr. Right has to be out there somewhere!
Friday, April 20, 2007
Alex Baldwin - Father of the Year!
So Alex Baldwin, mad that his daughter didn't answer his phone call, his 11 year daughter at that, left an outrageous voicemail on her phone, telling he is not only going to come "straighten her ass out", but also calling her a "thoughtless little pig".
Message to Alex Baldwin's daughter
Wow...I mean...just wow. I don't care what issues you have with your ex, don't involve the child. Clearly he's taking out his frustrations on whatever is going on with his life on his daughter. Talk about an ass. This makes me glad this guy is not my father. I've always thought he was a pompous jerk, just by the way he comes off on television, but this is just over the line. And then he's mad because a judge took away his visitation. What the hell did you expect!
I love how celebrities think they can do no wrong, that whatever malicious act they do toward their family or friends, or even fans, can be discarded because they are famous. This guy needs a parenting and anger management class.
Message to Alex Baldwin's daughter
Wow...I mean...just wow. I don't care what issues you have with your ex, don't involve the child. Clearly he's taking out his frustrations on whatever is going on with his life on his daughter. Talk about an ass. This makes me glad this guy is not my father. I've always thought he was a pompous jerk, just by the way he comes off on television, but this is just over the line. And then he's mad because a judge took away his visitation. What the hell did you expect!
I love how celebrities think they can do no wrong, that whatever malicious act they do toward their family or friends, or even fans, can be discarded because they are famous. This guy needs a parenting and anger management class.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
A poem I wrote...
After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learnthat love doesn't mean leaning, and company doesn't always mean security.
And you begin to learn
that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead,
with the grace of a man, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans, and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, so you plant your own garden & decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure
-that you really are strong,
that you really do have worth.
And you learn...and you learn...with every good-bye...
you learn.
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
The Shrinking Kimbo
I'm pretty damn proud of myself!
I've always been overweight, my whole life, but with all the meds I have been on for my arthritis, plus not being able to exercise like I should, its been hard to keep the weight off. When we moved to Florida, though, the doctors there decided to pump me with steroids instead of actually treating my arthritis, which just ballooned me up to large proportions. I remember one night going to bed and waking up the next morning and I swear in the course of less them 8 hours, I had to have gained about 20 pounds. Aside from that, it made my bones brittle, and caused a lot of damage to my body.
It took me awhile to get off those meds, because they are addictive, and your body craves them, and I actually went through withdrawls as I weened myself off them. But the greatest thing is that I started loosing the weight!
Now, in the past 2 yrs, I have lost 75 pounds! I really didn't start to notice until recently, when all my clothes have suddenly become way to big on me. I actually have a neck again, and cheekbones! And I am feeling a lot better!
The greatest thing is that I was able to go down to a clothing size I haven't worn in such a long time! I bought a shirt the other day and I thought for sure, it wasn't going to fit, and not only did it fit, but it was actually loose and comfortable on me! I even went so far to buy myself a cute summer dress, and for those who know me, you know I NEVER wear dresses.
Just to show you have much I have changed...here was me two years ago (and yes, I am sexy in sombrero):

And here is me recently:

Let's just hope I can keep up the good work!!
Saturday, April 14, 2007
I'm old
Yes, you heard me correctly...I am old. Why else would I be home on a Saturday night, at 10pm, bored and sleepy, and seriously contemplating going to bed.
Do you even know how long its been since I have been to bed at 10pm!? I can't even remember!
I was thinking tonight, back when I was in my early 20's, around 22 and 23. At the time I had a great job with some really cool people I worked with, and my boyfriend at the time and I used to go out with them to happy hour and such during the weekends, and just live it up! I have never been a drinker, but that didn't matter, I was out there and I was having fun. Those were Kimbo's party days, I suppose. I would be out until 1 or 2am, sometimes later, we'd go from bar to bar, I'd get a kick out of being the only sober one watching everyone else get drunk off their ass. I'd be out there on the dance floor shakin' my groove thing and making an ass out of myself, which I do quite well. I was young and free, and really didn't have much care in the world.
Now, I am almost 28 years old, and those Kimbo partying days are long over. Not that I don't like to live it up and have fun, trust me, no matter what it is I am doing, its going to be entertaining. But, life has definitely taken its twists and turns. I am not as young and naive as I once was. Responsibility has set in. I've become more cynical about certain things. I find that sitting at home, curled up in bed with a good book or movie has become more appealing to me then a night out on the town. When I do go out, I find myself yawning around 9-10pm, like some granny who needs to get her shuteye.
I'd like to be going out and doing more things, there is so much of life I want to experience, so many things I want to do. But trying to get people to do those things, well, its difficult. My friends all have jobs and families, and those things take priority. And I find that I don't want to do things alone as much as I used to. I miss companionship. Sometimes I feel trapped in house, like I am watching life pass me by, and I feel like I am missing out on so much. Tonight I wish I was out, seeing a movie or having dinner with friends, going to see a concert or the symphony. That's what I need right now. In a way, I feel like I have lost my spark...my mojo...whatever you want to call it. I'm a pretty fun and fiesty girl, I laugh loud, smile big, I bring out that same kind of fun in the people I am with. I need to reconnect with that girl again.
But for now, I yawn, and closing this laptop and settling into dreamland seems like a good idea. Goodnight.
Do you even know how long its been since I have been to bed at 10pm!? I can't even remember!
I was thinking tonight, back when I was in my early 20's, around 22 and 23. At the time I had a great job with some really cool people I worked with, and my boyfriend at the time and I used to go out with them to happy hour and such during the weekends, and just live it up! I have never been a drinker, but that didn't matter, I was out there and I was having fun. Those were Kimbo's party days, I suppose. I would be out until 1 or 2am, sometimes later, we'd go from bar to bar, I'd get a kick out of being the only sober one watching everyone else get drunk off their ass. I'd be out there on the dance floor shakin' my groove thing and making an ass out of myself, which I do quite well. I was young and free, and really didn't have much care in the world.
Now, I am almost 28 years old, and those Kimbo partying days are long over. Not that I don't like to live it up and have fun, trust me, no matter what it is I am doing, its going to be entertaining. But, life has definitely taken its twists and turns. I am not as young and naive as I once was. Responsibility has set in. I've become more cynical about certain things. I find that sitting at home, curled up in bed with a good book or movie has become more appealing to me then a night out on the town. When I do go out, I find myself yawning around 9-10pm, like some granny who needs to get her shuteye.
I'd like to be going out and doing more things, there is so much of life I want to experience, so many things I want to do. But trying to get people to do those things, well, its difficult. My friends all have jobs and families, and those things take priority. And I find that I don't want to do things alone as much as I used to. I miss companionship. Sometimes I feel trapped in house, like I am watching life pass me by, and I feel like I am missing out on so much. Tonight I wish I was out, seeing a movie or having dinner with friends, going to see a concert or the symphony. That's what I need right now. In a way, I feel like I have lost my spark...my mojo...whatever you want to call it. I'm a pretty fun and fiesty girl, I laugh loud, smile big, I bring out that same kind of fun in the people I am with. I need to reconnect with that girl again.
But for now, I yawn, and closing this laptop and settling into dreamland seems like a good idea. Goodnight.
Thanks for not being a friend...
There are some people in this world that no matter what happens in your life, they will never be happy for you, because how dare you have something better then they do.
In my life, I have been given the short end of the stick in many ways. My health has never been the greatest, but I make up for that with a strong mind and a positive attitude. No need to sit around and complain and be depressed about things I can't change. I've been overlooked for a lot of things, I've been made to feel small. And when it comes to love, well, let's just say that's where my worst luck has been. I've had a knack for finding the men who either use me for whatever they can get, or stick with me just because they don't want to be alone, or who are amazing fucktards. I actually sort of resigned myself to the fact that when it comes to love, I will always be alone, and unhappy.
This has been a good week though. I found out a guy I liked for awhile likes me back and now we're together, and I am really happy about the whole thing. I'm not sure what's going to happen with it all, but for right now, I am just enjoying it day to day. Its been a really long time since I had someone actually like me for me and want to be with me because they want to be.
So, naturally, I would think my friends would be happy for me. Apparently, one isn't. A friend I've know for awhile, an online friend, felt the need to try and rain on my parade. I told her about what's been going on this week and how happy I was. Instead of saying she was happy for me, which is really all that needed to be said, she started giving me the third degree. "How do you know this is going to work?", "How do you know you really like him if you live in different states?", "Look at how your last long distance relationship went down, do you really want to do that again?". Oh, and my favorite, "It must be nice, having someone, nobody wants me"
Geez...of course nobody wants you when you so damn negative all the time! Never once have I known this person to be happy about anything! Its as though they live for the drama. And personally, I don't see any reason for there to be drama in anything in life. She made me feel like I didn't deserve this, I should unhappy just like her, so that I could sit at home and bitch about how the world has done me wrong.
I got offline with her quickly, because I didn't need anymore of her comments, and wasn't going to allow her to place a black cloud over my head. Funny how you learn who your true friends are when things are going good for you, and just how much jealously can rear its ugly head. I'm never one to flaunt my good fortunes in people's face, but I'm going to be as happy as I want to be and if it pissed her off even more, well, good. She can have her pity party somewhere else.
In my life, I have been given the short end of the stick in many ways. My health has never been the greatest, but I make up for that with a strong mind and a positive attitude. No need to sit around and complain and be depressed about things I can't change. I've been overlooked for a lot of things, I've been made to feel small. And when it comes to love, well, let's just say that's where my worst luck has been. I've had a knack for finding the men who either use me for whatever they can get, or stick with me just because they don't want to be alone, or who are amazing fucktards. I actually sort of resigned myself to the fact that when it comes to love, I will always be alone, and unhappy.
This has been a good week though. I found out a guy I liked for awhile likes me back and now we're together, and I am really happy about the whole thing. I'm not sure what's going to happen with it all, but for right now, I am just enjoying it day to day. Its been a really long time since I had someone actually like me for me and want to be with me because they want to be.
So, naturally, I would think my friends would be happy for me. Apparently, one isn't. A friend I've know for awhile, an online friend, felt the need to try and rain on my parade. I told her about what's been going on this week and how happy I was. Instead of saying she was happy for me, which is really all that needed to be said, she started giving me the third degree. "How do you know this is going to work?", "How do you know you really like him if you live in different states?", "Look at how your last long distance relationship went down, do you really want to do that again?". Oh, and my favorite, "It must be nice, having someone, nobody wants me"
Geez...of course nobody wants you when you so damn negative all the time! Never once have I known this person to be happy about anything! Its as though they live for the drama. And personally, I don't see any reason for there to be drama in anything in life. She made me feel like I didn't deserve this, I should unhappy just like her, so that I could sit at home and bitch about how the world has done me wrong.
I got offline with her quickly, because I didn't need anymore of her comments, and wasn't going to allow her to place a black cloud over my head. Funny how you learn who your true friends are when things are going good for you, and just how much jealously can rear its ugly head. I'm never one to flaunt my good fortunes in people's face, but I'm going to be as happy as I want to be and if it pissed her off even more, well, good. She can have her pity party somewhere else.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Funny how things work out...
It amazes me how things have a funny way of working out, especially when you are least expecting it...
I met Dave back in January, and we started dating, and more importantly, started becoming great friends. He introduced me to a site called "Consumating", where you can answer weekly questions and start and posts in conversations. There's a lot of great people on there, including Dave's friend, Jay (Jay Def on Consumating).
I liked Jay as soon as I met him, I thought he had a wonderful personality and a great sense of humor. And we have a lot in common. I sort of had the feeling, such as, what if. But since I was dating Dave, I just put it aside.
Jay and I would talk in conversations, and as time went on, we'd flirt more and more, fueling the what ifs even more. But again, I just put it aside.
Well, long story short, the other night, Dave and I talked, and he and I are just going to be friends, which I think is great, because he has become such an amazing friend to me and I couldn't imagine not knowing him now that I do. But, he mentioned Jay and I possibly getting together, and I had to admit, I had thought about it. So, he gave us the green light, and the next day Jay and I talked and it turns out, he likes me too! And wanted us to be together!
I have to admit, I was really taken by surprise. It has been so long since someone has told me that not only they like me, but they want me to be their girlfriend, and actually meant it. I sort of figured he liked me, but I don't know, I guess I am just so used to being pushed aside and overlooked, or just being the friend. It feels good, very good. I'm not even sure why he likes me, but he does! He makes me happy, he makes me smile. Even though there is still a lot that we need to learn about each other, it just feels right to me. I am really excited to see what may come of this.
The only thing that isn't great about this whole thing is the distance. He's in Boise, and I am here. But I don't think we'll have any problem working it out.
Its so nice to be happy...it definitely has been awhile. :)
I met Dave back in January, and we started dating, and more importantly, started becoming great friends. He introduced me to a site called "Consumating", where you can answer weekly questions and start and posts in conversations. There's a lot of great people on there, including Dave's friend, Jay (Jay Def on Consumating).
I liked Jay as soon as I met him, I thought he had a wonderful personality and a great sense of humor. And we have a lot in common. I sort of had the feeling, such as, what if. But since I was dating Dave, I just put it aside.
Jay and I would talk in conversations, and as time went on, we'd flirt more and more, fueling the what ifs even more. But again, I just put it aside.
Well, long story short, the other night, Dave and I talked, and he and I are just going to be friends, which I think is great, because he has become such an amazing friend to me and I couldn't imagine not knowing him now that I do. But, he mentioned Jay and I possibly getting together, and I had to admit, I had thought about it. So, he gave us the green light, and the next day Jay and I talked and it turns out, he likes me too! And wanted us to be together!
I have to admit, I was really taken by surprise. It has been so long since someone has told me that not only they like me, but they want me to be their girlfriend, and actually meant it. I sort of figured he liked me, but I don't know, I guess I am just so used to being pushed aside and overlooked, or just being the friend. It feels good, very good. I'm not even sure why he likes me, but he does! He makes me happy, he makes me smile. Even though there is still a lot that we need to learn about each other, it just feels right to me. I am really excited to see what may come of this.
The only thing that isn't great about this whole thing is the distance. He's in Boise, and I am here. But I don't think we'll have any problem working it out.
Its so nice to be happy...it definitely has been awhile. :)
Sunday, April 8, 2007
Happy Easter...
And well, if you don't celebrate Easter..then Happy Sunday!
Its been a fairly quiet Easter Sunday here. Last night mom and I made potato salad for dinner tonight and today we are baking a ham. The house also smells delicious with the baking of a fresh carrot cake, that I can not wait to get my teeth into!!
Mom, of course, made dad and I Easter baskets, like she does every year. She is so funny that way, and of course, dad and I aren't going to pass up chocolate. She didn't have a chance to go shopping herself, so yesterday I went to Target to pick up some candy, well, I should say, whatever was left. The place was pretty picked over, and there was a ton of people there doing last minute shopping like I was.
Not too much else going on today, just enjoying a lazy Sunday. The weather is beautiful, so I might take a ride later. I hope that you and your family all have a wonderful day...
Its been a fairly quiet Easter Sunday here. Last night mom and I made potato salad for dinner tonight and today we are baking a ham. The house also smells delicious with the baking of a fresh carrot cake, that I can not wait to get my teeth into!!
Mom, of course, made dad and I Easter baskets, like she does every year. She is so funny that way, and of course, dad and I aren't going to pass up chocolate. She didn't have a chance to go shopping herself, so yesterday I went to Target to pick up some candy, well, I should say, whatever was left. The place was pretty picked over, and there was a ton of people there doing last minute shopping like I was.
Not too much else going on today, just enjoying a lazy Sunday. The weather is beautiful, so I might take a ride later. I hope that you and your family all have a wonderful day...
Well..I'm back...
So, I did have a blog here on blogger...you can even still see it if you use the old link. But for some reason when blogger decided to switch over to using Google accounts to login, it lost my username and password, so I haven't been able to get into it, to post new blogs. So time for a fresh start!
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