Yesterday was my 28th birthday. I remember when I was a kid, I used to love birthday's. I'd spend all month anxiously awaiting the day, wondering what presents I would, or having my friends over for my mom's infamous birthday parties.
As an adult, birthday's for me just aren't as much fun as they used to be. All it means it that I am another year older. It doesn't get as big a fuss as it used to. But that's OK, because on this birthday I woke up next to the man I dearly love and when I look at him, I see my future. We spent the day together, we saw the movie Ocean's Thirteen (side note: this movie was boring), and we had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. It ended up being a really great day.
So now, the day after my birthday, I sit here and reflect on what the next year holds. In August I am getting married to the most wonderful man, and we're spending a few months in Vegas, we'll be getting a home of our own, and who knows what else! Its a whole new chapter of my life and I can't wait for it to begin. So let's hope being 28 is a hell of a lot better then being 27!
About Me
- Kimbo Central
- San Tan Valley, AZ, United States
- A wife and mommy to a beautiful three year old son, blogging about being a mommy, and taking care of my family.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Kimbo: A Fisherman??
I have never been an outdoor type of girl. I prefer climate controlled establishments over trekking out in the elements, shopping over sports, and computers over camping. Frankly, being outdoorsy or woodsy just never appealed to me. I don't like to get dirty. Its not that I am a totally girly girl, I just prefer to be indoors. I am very much a homebody.
My sweet fiance though, is an outdoors kinda man. He loves to hunt, camp, fish, shoot, all that good stuff. He's not the kind who likes to stay indoors for long, as he enjoys getting out of the house and doing something. Now, in a way, this is good for me, because I need to get out of the house more, I spend way too much time here and way too much time in front of this laptop. But its my comfort zone, and true to my Cancer nature, home is where I feel safe.
I knew a few weeks ago that I must love this man when we ventured into the new Bass Pro Shop store in Mesa. This is just not a store Kimbo would ever go into, but Phil was so excited and how could I not go in with him after seeing how cute he was. He's mentioned going hunting, which I told him I won't do for two reasons, which is 1. I just couldn't go out there and kill an innocent animal, I would feel terrible and 2. With my luck, some wild animal will start chasing me and I can only go 4mph in this chair. Camping...eh, I don't know, it doesn't sound like much fun to me, and again, the whole wild animal chasing me scenario plays in the head. Shooting...no way! I can barely look at a gun without getting scared, and I am sure as hell I would shot myself in the foot, because I am that clumsy. Now an air rifle...maybe...but a real gun, no.
Fishing...well, that's a possibility. I'd given some thought to it, after all, its something he loves and I do want to be able to share in one of his pastimes, just as I know he would do the same for me. So Sunday we went into the Sportsman Warehouse and I saw their fishing section and told Phil, "I want my own fishing pole." He was surprised, and I told him that I really did want my own, after all, if I was going to try out this fishing thing, I wanted to have my own equipment. So we picked out a nice pole and he got me all set with a tackle box and a lot of different things that I have no idea how to use.
For those who know me, I am sure your getting a laugh out of this, because whoever thought Kimbo would be out there with a fishing pole, trying to catch some fishes? Sure as hell not me! I already told him that I am not touching a fish, and I don't want to touch the bait either because I don't want to go around smelling like stink bait. I know, I am such a wuss. I am not sure when we are going to go fishing, maybe this weekend over at Power Ranch. I might hate it, then again I might love it. My thought is that relationships and marriage are all about compromise, and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. So I told him I would try out this fishing business, as long as he doesn't say anything when I ask him to go to the symphony with me.
My sweet fiance though, is an outdoors kinda man. He loves to hunt, camp, fish, shoot, all that good stuff. He's not the kind who likes to stay indoors for long, as he enjoys getting out of the house and doing something. Now, in a way, this is good for me, because I need to get out of the house more, I spend way too much time here and way too much time in front of this laptop. But its my comfort zone, and true to my Cancer nature, home is where I feel safe.
I knew a few weeks ago that I must love this man when we ventured into the new Bass Pro Shop store in Mesa. This is just not a store Kimbo would ever go into, but Phil was so excited and how could I not go in with him after seeing how cute he was. He's mentioned going hunting, which I told him I won't do for two reasons, which is 1. I just couldn't go out there and kill an innocent animal, I would feel terrible and 2. With my luck, some wild animal will start chasing me and I can only go 4mph in this chair. Camping...eh, I don't know, it doesn't sound like much fun to me, and again, the whole wild animal chasing me scenario plays in the head. Shooting...no way! I can barely look at a gun without getting scared, and I am sure as hell I would shot myself in the foot, because I am that clumsy. Now an air rifle...maybe...but a real gun, no.
Fishing...well, that's a possibility. I'd given some thought to it, after all, its something he loves and I do want to be able to share in one of his pastimes, just as I know he would do the same for me. So Sunday we went into the Sportsman Warehouse and I saw their fishing section and told Phil, "I want my own fishing pole." He was surprised, and I told him that I really did want my own, after all, if I was going to try out this fishing thing, I wanted to have my own equipment. So we picked out a nice pole and he got me all set with a tackle box and a lot of different things that I have no idea how to use.
For those who know me, I am sure your getting a laugh out of this, because whoever thought Kimbo would be out there with a fishing pole, trying to catch some fishes? Sure as hell not me! I already told him that I am not touching a fish, and I don't want to touch the bait either because I don't want to go around smelling like stink bait. I know, I am such a wuss. I am not sure when we are going to go fishing, maybe this weekend over at Power Ranch. I might hate it, then again I might love it. My thought is that relationships and marriage are all about compromise, and sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. So I told him I would try out this fishing business, as long as he doesn't say anything when I ask him to go to the symphony with me.
Saturday, June 23, 2007
Sportin a new 'do!
I finally got my haircut today, I can't tell you how badly it needed to be done. I found a really short style in a newspaper advertisement that I thought would look really good on me, so Cindy checked it out and said she could do it with my hair, so she cut away and even tweezed my eyebrows for me. I love having a friend who was a hairdresser who can do these sort of things and I don't have to pay for it.
The nicest part of the day was driving home from Cindy's, knowing that Phil was at home. It has been so nice having him here, not having to wait days anymore before getting to see him again. At first I have to admit I was a little nervous about him moving in here, because its one thing to know a person by spending a lot of time with them, but its another thing to live with the person on a day to day basis. I worried maybe we wouldn't get along, or he'd do something I hate, and vice versa. But its been so nice. So far he is the easiest person to live with. Its so nice at night to have someone to cuddle up with in bed while watching TV, and he has the greatest sense of humor, he is always making me laugh. I still can't believe I am so lucky to have found him.
So now its 11pm on a Saturday night, and we are both sitting on the bed, him reading and me blogging. Its times like these, when we can be together without talking, that it amazes me how comfortable it can be. It sometimes baffles me when I think that we will be together for only 2 months on the 9th, because it seems like I have known him for years. We just fit so well together, and my family loves him. This just keeps getting better and better. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be right now then right here with him, doing just what we're doing. Its where I belong.
The nicest part of the day was driving home from Cindy's, knowing that Phil was at home. It has been so nice having him here, not having to wait days anymore before getting to see him again. At first I have to admit I was a little nervous about him moving in here, because its one thing to know a person by spending a lot of time with them, but its another thing to live with the person on a day to day basis. I worried maybe we wouldn't get along, or he'd do something I hate, and vice versa. But its been so nice. So far he is the easiest person to live with. Its so nice at night to have someone to cuddle up with in bed while watching TV, and he has the greatest sense of humor, he is always making me laugh. I still can't believe I am so lucky to have found him.
So now its 11pm on a Saturday night, and we are both sitting on the bed, him reading and me blogging. Its times like these, when we can be together without talking, that it amazes me how comfortable it can be. It sometimes baffles me when I think that we will be together for only 2 months on the 9th, because it seems like I have known him for years. We just fit so well together, and my family loves him. This just keeps getting better and better. I can't think of anywhere I'd rather be right now then right here with him, doing just what we're doing. Its where I belong.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Moving Day
The day has finally arrived...Phil moves in today.
It is going to be so great for us to finally be together. There is nothing worse then being so in love with someone and not being able to be with them. I've enjoyed the long "marathon" dates that my mom calls them, where we will spend the entire day and evening together until I have to get home. Now, we can go out together and at the end of the night, I won't have to take him back to his apartment and get sad because it is going to be days before I can see him again. From now on we can come home together. Whenever I need something, even just a shoulder to lean on or a good laugh, he'll be right there.
I realized last night that starting today, we'll be living with each other for the rest of our lives. That's a huge thing. It's no longer just me, but us. Everything I do, everything he does, is about us. I am still getting used to that, because I have spent my whole life just being singular. But I like it. Its new and its different and exciting. I am entering a whole new chapter in my life and I am extremely excited to see where the story goes.
For now, I am up at the ungodly hour of 6:30am, and need to start getting showered and dressed so I can be at his place by 8:30. We'll be taking a few trips to his storage and then from there, we'll be heading home.
I like the sound of that.
It is going to be so great for us to finally be together. There is nothing worse then being so in love with someone and not being able to be with them. I've enjoyed the long "marathon" dates that my mom calls them, where we will spend the entire day and evening together until I have to get home. Now, we can go out together and at the end of the night, I won't have to take him back to his apartment and get sad because it is going to be days before I can see him again. From now on we can come home together. Whenever I need something, even just a shoulder to lean on or a good laugh, he'll be right there.
I realized last night that starting today, we'll be living with each other for the rest of our lives. That's a huge thing. It's no longer just me, but us. Everything I do, everything he does, is about us. I am still getting used to that, because I have spent my whole life just being singular. But I like it. Its new and its different and exciting. I am entering a whole new chapter in my life and I am extremely excited to see where the story goes.
For now, I am up at the ungodly hour of 6:30am, and need to start getting showered and dressed so I can be at his place by 8:30. We'll be taking a few trips to his storage and then from there, we'll be heading home.
I like the sound of that.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Your welcome, Kleenex
For the life of me, I can't seem to get motivated or find the energy to do anything lately. The past few days I have been sleeping terribly and spending the entire day yawning and waiting for it to be bedtime. These allergies have been driving me nuts, as I sit here blowing my nose in between typing. I am hoping, make that praying, that with tomorrow being the official start of summer, that these allergies will go on vacation until their return in the fall. I have never had allergies this long before and I think I have single-handledly kept the Kleenex companies in business.
Now, I wouldn't mind sitting around the house lazily today, but seeing as Phil is moving in here tomorrow, there are things that need to get done today, such as straightening up in the bathroom and making sure my girly things aren't all over the place, and attacking this pile of laundry that is sitting here staring at me and taunting me. I've made space in here for him the best that I could, I want him to feel welcome and feel like this is his home too for the short time we will be staying here.
What I found interested in my quest to straighten things up around here and make space, is that I collect a lot of crap that I just don't need. I have thrown out so much junk these past two days, items that I have no use for that for some reason I stashed away in a drawer or on my desk. Instead of opening mail, or throwing away the stuff I don't want, I had it piled up. I swear, I am such a pack-rat. At least I have been keeping everything clean around here. In October of last year my bedroom went through a major overhaul, it was messy and out of control and once I brought in things to help me get organized, its been looking nice ever since. I just need to learn to part with the things I don't need.
Hm, I wonder if Phil is a pack rat like me? If so, we're in trouble!
Now, I wouldn't mind sitting around the house lazily today, but seeing as Phil is moving in here tomorrow, there are things that need to get done today, such as straightening up in the bathroom and making sure my girly things aren't all over the place, and attacking this pile of laundry that is sitting here staring at me and taunting me. I've made space in here for him the best that I could, I want him to feel welcome and feel like this is his home too for the short time we will be staying here.
What I found interested in my quest to straighten things up around here and make space, is that I collect a lot of crap that I just don't need. I have thrown out so much junk these past two days, items that I have no use for that for some reason I stashed away in a drawer or on my desk. Instead of opening mail, or throwing away the stuff I don't want, I had it piled up. I swear, I am such a pack-rat. At least I have been keeping everything clean around here. In October of last year my bedroom went through a major overhaul, it was messy and out of control and once I brought in things to help me get organized, its been looking nice ever since. I just need to learn to part with the things I don't need.
Hm, I wonder if Phil is a pack rat like me? If so, we're in trouble!
Monday, June 18, 2007
I fought the closet....
And I won!!
Yes folks, after finally getting my lazy butt away from the computer and out of my jammies, I attacked the closet. I mainly had clothes that I just have been too lazy to put away stashed over on the side that will be Phil's side, plus some storage boxes and other crap. So I put all the clothes away, and lugged the storage boxes out in the garage, along with other misc. stuff. I organized and threw stuff away and after about 2 hours, I am happy to report the closet is clean! I feel so much better now that I got that done. That was the biggest thing I needed to do to get ready for Phil moving in. I want him to feel at home here, even though we will only be here for a short time.
Mom and I have been discussing my bridal shower, and we decided we're just going to have a lunch. I really don't like shower games, so I decided not to bother with those. So we're going to make a nice lunch and everyone can sit around and talk, then open gifts and have some dessert. It will be simple but fun. I never thought I would be able to have a bridal shower, so this is fun for me. I have helped planned them before, but to be the bride will be fun. Now this means Phil and I have to go register for things. That should be a lot of fun!
Well, time for me to put the old laptop away and get comfy watching whatever it is I have taped on the tivo here before it gets filled up. I've been neglecting the poor thing lately!
Yes folks, after finally getting my lazy butt away from the computer and out of my jammies, I attacked the closet. I mainly had clothes that I just have been too lazy to put away stashed over on the side that will be Phil's side, plus some storage boxes and other crap. So I put all the clothes away, and lugged the storage boxes out in the garage, along with other misc. stuff. I organized and threw stuff away and after about 2 hours, I am happy to report the closet is clean! I feel so much better now that I got that done. That was the biggest thing I needed to do to get ready for Phil moving in. I want him to feel at home here, even though we will only be here for a short time.
Mom and I have been discussing my bridal shower, and we decided we're just going to have a lunch. I really don't like shower games, so I decided not to bother with those. So we're going to make a nice lunch and everyone can sit around and talk, then open gifts and have some dessert. It will be simple but fun. I never thought I would be able to have a bridal shower, so this is fun for me. I have helped planned them before, but to be the bride will be fun. Now this means Phil and I have to go register for things. That should be a lot of fun!
Well, time for me to put the old laptop away and get comfy watching whatever it is I have taped on the tivo here before it gets filled up. I've been neglecting the poor thing lately!
Such a lazy butt
Dinner at my Grandma Joan's house last night was really good, and a lot of fun. Thank you again for having us over! She liked Phil, and told me he would fit in well with the family. That made me really happy. This Friday we are going over to my Grandma Beth's house and I know she will love him. After that, I promise he doesn't have to meet any more of my family for awhile...I am done showing him off for right now haha!! Of course, next will come me meeting his family, which I am nervous as hell about doing!
So it looks like Thursday Phil is going to be moving in here, and I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. Not really sure, maybe because its all new. I have no doubts that I am going to like living with him. I am just so glad that I will be able to see him everyday, instead of only seeing him Friday and Sunday's, and maybe during the week if he has a day off. So today, once I get my lazy butt in gear, I am going to clean out the side of my closet I never use, and get rid of all the misc crap that's over there. There are boxes that are empty and need to be thrown out, and clothes that I need to go through and either put away, or give to Goodwill. And some other stuff that needs to go out in the garage. He said he isn't bring a lot of things with him, but I want to give him space for his things, seeing as this is our room now.
OK, well enough of this being lazy, if I don't get crackin now, I won't get anything done today. So I'm off to make some lunch and then get busy!
So it looks like Thursday Phil is going to be moving in here, and I am so excited, but nervous at the same time. Not really sure, maybe because its all new. I have no doubts that I am going to like living with him. I am just so glad that I will be able to see him everyday, instead of only seeing him Friday and Sunday's, and maybe during the week if he has a day off. So today, once I get my lazy butt in gear, I am going to clean out the side of my closet I never use, and get rid of all the misc crap that's over there. There are boxes that are empty and need to be thrown out, and clothes that I need to go through and either put away, or give to Goodwill. And some other stuff that needs to go out in the garage. He said he isn't bring a lot of things with him, but I want to give him space for his things, seeing as this is our room now.
OK, well enough of this being lazy, if I don't get crackin now, I won't get anything done today. So I'm off to make some lunch and then get busy!
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Off to grandma's we go
Phil and I are going to my Grandma's Joan's house for dinner tonight. One of the things I've learned about getting married is that you must parade your fiance to your family so they can meet them, basically making them your own little show pony. I kid, of course, because I do want my family to meet Phil and see what a wonderful man he is, and see how happy he makes me. Tonight will be fun.
Nothing really new has been happening since I last blogged, except for the fact that starting Friday, Phil is going to be staying here with me until we go to Vegas. We're going to take this time to save up the money we need to be able to rent a house once we get back from Vegas, and my parents are nice enough to let him stay here so we can be together and save. I am very excited about it, because it is going to be so nice to not have to drop him off at his place after we go out, we can come home together, or be so lonely and missing each other during the week until we can see each other again. And it gives us the chance to start getting used to living with each other and seeing what that will be like.
Of course, I am used to being alone and being an only child, I am definitely used to have my own space, so I am going to have to make some room for him this week, like cleaning out the empty side of my closet from all my misc. crap. I have to learn to sleep on just one side of the bed again. But its worth it, those things are so insignificant compared to the fact that every night when I go to bed, he will be there.
Nothing really new has been happening since I last blogged, except for the fact that starting Friday, Phil is going to be staying here with me until we go to Vegas. We're going to take this time to save up the money we need to be able to rent a house once we get back from Vegas, and my parents are nice enough to let him stay here so we can be together and save. I am very excited about it, because it is going to be so nice to not have to drop him off at his place after we go out, we can come home together, or be so lonely and missing each other during the week until we can see each other again. And it gives us the chance to start getting used to living with each other and seeing what that will be like.
Of course, I am used to being alone and being an only child, I am definitely used to have my own space, so I am going to have to make some room for him this week, like cleaning out the empty side of my closet from all my misc. crap. I have to learn to sleep on just one side of the bed again. But its worth it, those things are so insignificant compared to the fact that every night when I go to bed, he will be there.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
What do you do when the cable is out?
You finally get things done around the house you've been putting off!
Phil is working on my side of town for the rest of the week, and I told him yesterday that I would pick him up and take him to work, since he doesn't have his truck yet. So I set the alarm on my cell to go off at 4:30am, giving me 30 minutes to actually get my lazy ass out of bed. I am not used to getting up that early, its been awhile. I got in the shower, which woke me up, and got myself dressed and out the door. I forgot how nice early mornings can be. There wasn't a lot of traffic, which was nice, and the weather was beautiful. I felt surprisingly awake, of course getting to see Phil made my day, since I always miss him like crazy.
Once I dropped him off at work and got back home, I discovered that the cable was out, meaning no phone, television, and of course, no Internet. Now I don't care about the phone and the TV, but no Internet! You know me and my laptop, we're attached at the hip!
So I took a look at the bathroom, realizing I have been neglecting it, mostly because I hate cleaning the bathroom, so I got to work, then decided while I had the energy, I might as well clean the kitchen and the living room, dust, sweep and mop the floors, and take out the trash. Then I started some laundry and ran the dishwasher.
By the time I was done not only was the house sparkly clean, but the cable was back on! So I made myself some lunch and been relaxing here online, checking emails and whatnot. Phil should be getting off work fairly soon, so once he calls I will go pick him up and take him home. I wish that taking him home meant going home with him, but for right now this is just how it has to be. But that will change soon, and I am very excited about that. But as he told me last night and today, there is nothing worse then having someone in your heart, and not having them in your arms. He's such a sweetie.
I am thinking I might have to get up early more often. I have had more energy today that I have had in a long time. Usually when I wake up I am always so lethargic during the day and get nothing accomplished. It was nice to get everything done in the house this morning, and then having the afternoon to myself. And I get to see Phil again soon, and I can't wait!
Phil is working on my side of town for the rest of the week, and I told him yesterday that I would pick him up and take him to work, since he doesn't have his truck yet. So I set the alarm on my cell to go off at 4:30am, giving me 30 minutes to actually get my lazy ass out of bed. I am not used to getting up that early, its been awhile. I got in the shower, which woke me up, and got myself dressed and out the door. I forgot how nice early mornings can be. There wasn't a lot of traffic, which was nice, and the weather was beautiful. I felt surprisingly awake, of course getting to see Phil made my day, since I always miss him like crazy.
Once I dropped him off at work and got back home, I discovered that the cable was out, meaning no phone, television, and of course, no Internet. Now I don't care about the phone and the TV, but no Internet! You know me and my laptop, we're attached at the hip!
So I took a look at the bathroom, realizing I have been neglecting it, mostly because I hate cleaning the bathroom, so I got to work, then decided while I had the energy, I might as well clean the kitchen and the living room, dust, sweep and mop the floors, and take out the trash. Then I started some laundry and ran the dishwasher.
By the time I was done not only was the house sparkly clean, but the cable was back on! So I made myself some lunch and been relaxing here online, checking emails and whatnot. Phil should be getting off work fairly soon, so once he calls I will go pick him up and take him home. I wish that taking him home meant going home with him, but for right now this is just how it has to be. But that will change soon, and I am very excited about that. But as he told me last night and today, there is nothing worse then having someone in your heart, and not having them in your arms. He's such a sweetie.
I am thinking I might have to get up early more often. I have had more energy today that I have had in a long time. Usually when I wake up I am always so lethargic during the day and get nothing accomplished. It was nice to get everything done in the house this morning, and then having the afternoon to myself. And I get to see Phil again soon, and I can't wait!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
More Kimbo Ramblings
I was in such a bad mood today, and I am not even sure completely why. This is the happiest time of my life, being engaged to a wonderful man who as of August I will be so proud to call my husband. But I just feel out of sorts lately. Like I am not sure what to do with myself, its as though I am unsure of myself and my abilities. And I know it is silly. I guess when one chapter of your life ends and another begins, it just makes you think. But I wouldn't trade any of this.
I did come to realize the other day my relief that I will no longer ever have to deal with dating. Putting yourself out there, getting rejected, meeting weirdos, getting your heart broken. I am done with it all, and it is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've never been one who enjoyed dating. First dates were something I dreaded. There is nothing worse then going out with someone for the first time, and being on your best behavior, trying to impress them, with the every annoying awkward silence that always happens. No wondering after the date if your ever going to hear from them again. Dating to me seemed like an interview process. Trying to show that person how much better you are then all the rest of the prospects.
I deal much better with relationships, being with that one person, knowing that no matter what, they are there for you. I am excited about getting married!! It is something that I have always wanted. I am a natural caregiver and nurturer, and the idea of having a spouse and children and a home to take care of has always appealed to me. I look forward to having Phil come home from work and telling me about his day while we have dinner together, and being able to have him be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. Having him beside me through life, through good times and bad, knowing that I will never have to be alone in this life, because even when we are apart, he is still with me.
I was perfectly content being alone, and being single, for the rest of my life. I had actually resigned myself to being that way. But now that I met him, my life has meaning, and it has a purpose, and that is to love him and be the best wife and mother to our children that I can be. I wonder, and even worry, at times that I may not be a good wife, that maybe I won't be able to make him happy. But I see now I just need to be myself, be the women that he fell in love with, and that by doing that, I will be good at this wife thing.
Its just time for me to stop worrying about the little things, and focus on being engaged and being happy and just let life happen as it does. Things will be a lot better though once we are together on a daily basis, and we don't have to go days being apart. I think right now that's what a lot of my problem is, I miss him so much. When we are together, it feels right. To leave him at the end of the night, it just feels wrong. Watching him walk away, its heartbreaking.
I did come to realize the other day my relief that I will no longer ever have to deal with dating. Putting yourself out there, getting rejected, meeting weirdos, getting your heart broken. I am done with it all, and it is like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I've never been one who enjoyed dating. First dates were something I dreaded. There is nothing worse then going out with someone for the first time, and being on your best behavior, trying to impress them, with the every annoying awkward silence that always happens. No wondering after the date if your ever going to hear from them again. Dating to me seemed like an interview process. Trying to show that person how much better you are then all the rest of the prospects.
I deal much better with relationships, being with that one person, knowing that no matter what, they are there for you. I am excited about getting married!! It is something that I have always wanted. I am a natural caregiver and nurturer, and the idea of having a spouse and children and a home to take care of has always appealed to me. I look forward to having Phil come home from work and telling me about his day while we have dinner together, and being able to have him be the last thing I see when I go to sleep, and the first thing I see when I wake up in the morning. Having him beside me through life, through good times and bad, knowing that I will never have to be alone in this life, because even when we are apart, he is still with me.
I was perfectly content being alone, and being single, for the rest of my life. I had actually resigned myself to being that way. But now that I met him, my life has meaning, and it has a purpose, and that is to love him and be the best wife and mother to our children that I can be. I wonder, and even worry, at times that I may not be a good wife, that maybe I won't be able to make him happy. But I see now I just need to be myself, be the women that he fell in love with, and that by doing that, I will be good at this wife thing.
Its just time for me to stop worrying about the little things, and focus on being engaged and being happy and just let life happen as it does. Things will be a lot better though once we are together on a daily basis, and we don't have to go days being apart. I think right now that's what a lot of my problem is, I miss him so much. When we are together, it feels right. To leave him at the end of the night, it just feels wrong. Watching him walk away, its heartbreaking.
Meeting the folks
Sunday night we took my dad out to celebrate his birthday by seeing the new Pirates movie, and taking him out to dinner. They invited Phil to come with us, so that they could meet him.
We saw the movie first, and we were all not impressed by this third Pirates movie. There was way too many different plot points going on that made it hard to follow, and it seemed to drag on for way too long. Of course, they left it open for a 4th movie, but I don't know, I think in order for a 4th movie to be successful, they are really going to have to do better then this one. But that's just my opinion. Some people I know saw it and loved it.
After the movie we went over to dinner. The food was good and my parents thought Phil was a nice guy and they were happy to meet him. Its always nerve-wrecking though, meeting the parents of the person your dating, let alone the person you are going to marry. I had no doubts though that they would like him, because really, there isn't anything not to like about him. He is such a wonderful guy.
Of course now that we're getting married, everyone wants to meet him. Tomorrow night we are having dinner at my grandma's house in Scottsdale, and then next Friday we're having dinner at my grandma's in Chandler. They are both anxious to meet him, and I know that like my parents, they are going to love him as well.
We saw the movie first, and we were all not impressed by this third Pirates movie. There was way too many different plot points going on that made it hard to follow, and it seemed to drag on for way too long. Of course, they left it open for a 4th movie, but I don't know, I think in order for a 4th movie to be successful, they are really going to have to do better then this one. But that's just my opinion. Some people I know saw it and loved it.
After the movie we went over to dinner. The food was good and my parents thought Phil was a nice guy and they were happy to meet him. Its always nerve-wrecking though, meeting the parents of the person your dating, let alone the person you are going to marry. I had no doubts though that they would like him, because really, there isn't anything not to like about him. He is such a wonderful guy.
Of course now that we're getting married, everyone wants to meet him. Tomorrow night we are having dinner at my grandma's house in Scottsdale, and then next Friday we're having dinner at my grandma's in Chandler. They are both anxious to meet him, and I know that like my parents, they are going to love him as well.
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Just thoughts....
My Saturday night has been pretty quiet. Phil is out fishing with his brother tonight (because apparently you fish for catfish at night...see you do learn something new everyday!), so I've watched two movies: Pirates of the Caribbean 2 (since I am going to see the new third installment tomorrow) and The Naked Mile. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about things today.
As each day ticks by, it gets closer and closer to August, and closer and closer to the day we get married. Phil's wedding ring was delivered the other day. As soon as I got the package I tore it open and just sat there at my desk, staring at it, thinking, "Wow". It made this whole seem thing real, I suppose. And last night when I got home I saw a package sitting out by the front door and it happened to be the wedding present I bought for him. I find that I keep looking at the ring, imagining what it will be like to say vows to each other and exchange rings, and make that commitment to each other. But then I worry. I've never been married before, what if I don't know how to be a good wife? What if I can't contribute enough financially? I don't want him to resent me because I make so little a month, thanks to the government. And I know he wouldn't, but its a thought in my head. I want to do my part in this marriage. I want to make him happy. I just feel like there is so much I don't know about how to be an adult, for some reason. Maybe this all has to do with my birthday coming up, just one more year closer to 30, and I look back and wonder what the hell have I accomplished so far. I feel like I am behind. My high school reunion is coming up in October and looking at my alumni page, everyone seems to be married and have kids and careers, and I am almost 28 years old and still living at home, unable to work anymore, wanting independence.
But then I look back, and I think of all the things I have done. I've grown up, I've learned to be a women, how to take care of myself, my likes and dislikes, my morals and opinions. I went to school and earned an Associates Degree. Life has taken me for a joy ride and I have come up with my head held high and a smile on my face. I built myself a career that even though I am unable to do now, I could always fall back on it if need be. Now I enter a new chapter in my life, and I am going to take all the experiences I have had so far, and just add to it. I just hope I am good at this whole being married thing. I just want us to have a happy life together.
Besides that, when I came on here tonight to blog, I saw I had a blog comment on the blog I wrote about my wedding news. Much to my surprise, it was from my actual dad. It has been a long time since I have heard from him. Not sure what to make of it. Its nice that he wrote me. But in a way I feel he's putting the fact that we have no relationship all on me, like I want nothing to do with him. This has never been the case. I've tried to have a relationship with him, when I came back to Arizona after living in Florida, I tried opening the door, even saying let's just be friends. But I got nothing, no phone calls, no emails, no nothing. It seemed to me that he was the one who didn't want any contact with me, and after awhile, I just gave up. I always have, and still do, have respect for him, he's my father after all, and growing up he worked hard to make sure we had a nice home and nice things, and food on the table. But after my parents divorced, and mom and I moved to Florida, it just seems like whatever relationship we had just went out the window. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I think I was a pretty good daughter, still am. I was never a bad kid growing up, I didn't cause a lot of trouble. So I wonder why he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Maybe he just never really wanted to be a father. I don't know. I think its a shame that he doesn't know the women I have become. But then I get this comment from his tonight and he says he's leaving it up to me. So, I'll try again. If he wants to talk, wants to get together, work things out, whatever, then I am here, I am open to that. But its a two-way street.
As each day ticks by, it gets closer and closer to August, and closer and closer to the day we get married. Phil's wedding ring was delivered the other day. As soon as I got the package I tore it open and just sat there at my desk, staring at it, thinking, "Wow". It made this whole seem thing real, I suppose. And last night when I got home I saw a package sitting out by the front door and it happened to be the wedding present I bought for him. I find that I keep looking at the ring, imagining what it will be like to say vows to each other and exchange rings, and make that commitment to each other. But then I worry. I've never been married before, what if I don't know how to be a good wife? What if I can't contribute enough financially? I don't want him to resent me because I make so little a month, thanks to the government. And I know he wouldn't, but its a thought in my head. I want to do my part in this marriage. I want to make him happy. I just feel like there is so much I don't know about how to be an adult, for some reason. Maybe this all has to do with my birthday coming up, just one more year closer to 30, and I look back and wonder what the hell have I accomplished so far. I feel like I am behind. My high school reunion is coming up in October and looking at my alumni page, everyone seems to be married and have kids and careers, and I am almost 28 years old and still living at home, unable to work anymore, wanting independence.
But then I look back, and I think of all the things I have done. I've grown up, I've learned to be a women, how to take care of myself, my likes and dislikes, my morals and opinions. I went to school and earned an Associates Degree. Life has taken me for a joy ride and I have come up with my head held high and a smile on my face. I built myself a career that even though I am unable to do now, I could always fall back on it if need be. Now I enter a new chapter in my life, and I am going to take all the experiences I have had so far, and just add to it. I just hope I am good at this whole being married thing. I just want us to have a happy life together.
Besides that, when I came on here tonight to blog, I saw I had a blog comment on the blog I wrote about my wedding news. Much to my surprise, it was from my actual dad. It has been a long time since I have heard from him. Not sure what to make of it. Its nice that he wrote me. But in a way I feel he's putting the fact that we have no relationship all on me, like I want nothing to do with him. This has never been the case. I've tried to have a relationship with him, when I came back to Arizona after living in Florida, I tried opening the door, even saying let's just be friends. But I got nothing, no phone calls, no emails, no nothing. It seemed to me that he was the one who didn't want any contact with me, and after awhile, I just gave up. I always have, and still do, have respect for him, he's my father after all, and growing up he worked hard to make sure we had a nice home and nice things, and food on the table. But after my parents divorced, and mom and I moved to Florida, it just seems like whatever relationship we had just went out the window. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I think I was a pretty good daughter, still am. I was never a bad kid growing up, I didn't cause a lot of trouble. So I wonder why he doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Maybe he just never really wanted to be a father. I don't know. I think its a shame that he doesn't know the women I have become. But then I get this comment from his tonight and he says he's leaving it up to me. So, I'll try again. If he wants to talk, wants to get together, work things out, whatever, then I am here, I am open to that. But its a two-way street.
Friday, June 8, 2007
Starbucks blogging
I'm sitting outside of Starbucks right now, with my trusty laptop, just blogging away with Phil sitting here next to me. It amazes me all the different types of people there are around here. I love to people watch, from the pretentious people sitting around boosting about whatever shit they have done which they think is important, to the uber nerds sitting around reading a book or typing away on a laptop......
Oh wait......
Anywho...the weather is nice actually, which is surprising for June, and I am sitting here with the love of my life just enjoying a nice Friday night and thought, why not say hi to all my blogging friends. I hope your Friday night is going as well as mine is.
Oh wait......
Anywho...the weather is nice actually, which is surprising for June, and I am sitting here with the love of my life just enjoying a nice Friday night and thought, why not say hi to all my blogging friends. I hope your Friday night is going as well as mine is.
Wednesday, June 6, 2007
My wedding news
So in my blog this morning I said I had some news to share, but had to wait until I told a few more people. So now I can share my news.
Phil is going to be working on a project for the MGM Grand in Las Vegas in August for a few weeks, and he asked me if I would like to join him up there. He gets a lot of freebies, including free room at the MGM, free food, free gas, free shows, etc. So we would really just need to pay for my expenses.
At the same time, my mom and I had been racking our brains on how we were going to pay for a wedding. I don't come from money, and weddings these days are just so expensive and no matter how long we wait, there is just not going to be enough money for anything. So mom suggested that since we were already in Vegas, why not get married then.
So Phil and I talked about it, and we decided that we are going to get married in August in Las Vegas. I don't have a date yet, because right now we don't know when he is going to have to be there for start work, but August it is! The only thing that I don't like about this situation is that my parents won't be able to be there, because they won't be able to get the time off from their work, but we are going to have the ceremony broadcast online via webcam, so at least my family and friends will be able to watch it that way.
I've already start preparing. I bought him a wedding present the other day, and I also got his wedding ring. And today I found a very nice dress that will be perfect and ordered it.
I know some of you are going to think, and have even told me, that this seems a little soon, but it feels right. We know we want to get married, if we didn't we wouldn't have gotten engaged. Its just better cost-wise for us to do it this way, plus we're already going to be in Vegas for awhile, so might as well have some fun and get married while we're there.
We are both really happy and excited about this. I hope that all my family and friends will be happy for us as well, and support us. I know you all worry about me, and want the best for me, but I have found it in Phil. I am not getting married to him because I don't want to be alone, but because he enhances my life and brings something to it that I have been missing. And this just feels right, when I look at him I know in my heart that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with him. I never used to believe in soul mates, but now, I do.
Phil is going to be working on a project for the MGM Grand in Las Vegas in August for a few weeks, and he asked me if I would like to join him up there. He gets a lot of freebies, including free room at the MGM, free food, free gas, free shows, etc. So we would really just need to pay for my expenses.
At the same time, my mom and I had been racking our brains on how we were going to pay for a wedding. I don't come from money, and weddings these days are just so expensive and no matter how long we wait, there is just not going to be enough money for anything. So mom suggested that since we were already in Vegas, why not get married then.
So Phil and I talked about it, and we decided that we are going to get married in August in Las Vegas. I don't have a date yet, because right now we don't know when he is going to have to be there for start work, but August it is! The only thing that I don't like about this situation is that my parents won't be able to be there, because they won't be able to get the time off from their work, but we are going to have the ceremony broadcast online via webcam, so at least my family and friends will be able to watch it that way.
I've already start preparing. I bought him a wedding present the other day, and I also got his wedding ring. And today I found a very nice dress that will be perfect and ordered it.
I know some of you are going to think, and have even told me, that this seems a little soon, but it feels right. We know we want to get married, if we didn't we wouldn't have gotten engaged. Its just better cost-wise for us to do it this way, plus we're already going to be in Vegas for awhile, so might as well have some fun and get married while we're there.
We are both really happy and excited about this. I hope that all my family and friends will be happy for us as well, and support us. I know you all worry about me, and want the best for me, but I have found it in Phil. I am not getting married to him because I don't want to be alone, but because he enhances my life and brings something to it that I have been missing. And this just feels right, when I look at him I know in my heart that I am meant to spend the rest of my life with him. I never used to believe in soul mates, but now, I do.
Wait a minute, this isn't my bed!
When I have a lot on my mind, I tend to dream about it, a lot. And last night, was one of those nights.
From the minute my eyes closed, the dreams started. They were all good dreams, luckily, but they were the kind of dreams where they are so involved, its like watching a 3-hour movie and when you finally do wake up from it, you feel as groggy as you do walking out of a dark movie theater.
Ever had the dream where you need to pee, but for the life of you, there is just no bathroom in sight? Or when you find one, you can't pee because there is some sort of distraction going on, only to wake up and having to piss like a racehorse? I woke up at 3am after have a "Pee Dream", and was so groggy I could barely make it out of bed, let alone to the bathroom, but I did.
So as I am doing my business, I start thinking about the weird dream I just woke up from, trying to make sense of it. The next thing I know, am looking around the bathroom wondering where the hell I am!
Yes boys and girls, I fell asleep on the toilet! It was only for about 5 minutes or so, but still, that's a special kind of tired right there! I crawl back into bed, and immediately fell back asleep, getting into such a deep sleep that I didn't even hear my phone go off when Phil text me to say good morning.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or is this yet another thing that happens just to me?
Also...I have some news to blog about, but I need to tell a few more people before I blog about it, so stay tuned!
From the minute my eyes closed, the dreams started. They were all good dreams, luckily, but they were the kind of dreams where they are so involved, its like watching a 3-hour movie and when you finally do wake up from it, you feel as groggy as you do walking out of a dark movie theater.
Ever had the dream where you need to pee, but for the life of you, there is just no bathroom in sight? Or when you find one, you can't pee because there is some sort of distraction going on, only to wake up and having to piss like a racehorse? I woke up at 3am after have a "Pee Dream", and was so groggy I could barely make it out of bed, let alone to the bathroom, but I did.
So as I am doing my business, I start thinking about the weird dream I just woke up from, trying to make sense of it. The next thing I know, am looking around the bathroom wondering where the hell I am!
Yes boys and girls, I fell asleep on the toilet! It was only for about 5 minutes or so, but still, that's a special kind of tired right there! I crawl back into bed, and immediately fell back asleep, getting into such a deep sleep that I didn't even hear my phone go off when Phil text me to say good morning.
Has this ever happened to anyone else? Or is this yet another thing that happens just to me?
Also...I have some news to blog about, but I need to tell a few more people before I blog about it, so stay tuned!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
Just be happy for me
I love being engaged. There is something so great, so exciting, about looking at the person your going to marry and knowing you are going to spend the rest of your life with that person. It fills me with a sense of joy and happiness I have never experienced before.
Last night Phil and I did nothing but have dinner and just hang out for hours, and it was the most fun I have had in a long time. There was nothing real exciting about it, nothing spectacular happened. It was just he and I, spending time together as a couple, laughing and talking. At one point this kid came up asking to use one of our cell phones, and he asked Phil if I was his wife and he said yes, and looked at me and winked. It felt good, it felt right.
A few of my online friends lately have been telling me that this is all happening too fast. That I am being too impulsive, that I can't possibly be feeling what I am feeling. That something must be wrong with the both of us to want to jump into a marriage so quickly. But they don't know us, the chemistry and the dynamic between us. They can't possibly understand the feelings we have, and how when you meet the right person, something just clicks and you just know, they are the one.
I wish that people could just be happy for me, for us, instead of passing judgement on every turn. Maybe we are being impulsive, but maybe it's because we've been out there, we've dated every type of person, we've been through hell and back, and we know what we want and need from a partner. And we've found it in each other. I can honestly say there is nothing that would make me want to go back to dating again. What I have been looking for, resides in Phil, and when I look at him, I see my future. I know people don't understand that. But you don't have to understand, just be happy for us. I am tired of hearing about how I've had a bad track record when it comes to relationships. So what! That's in the past, I have learned from it, and I have moved on. Everything that happened in my past, is just that, the past. It will stay with me, it has made me who I am today, but I don't live my life based on the mistakes and unfortunate circumstances I have been in.
I've been dealt a hard hand in life. From a young age I have dealt with a debilitating disease that has kept me from doing many things I wanted to do. But I have never let it stop me. I've had fallings out with members of my family, I have lost the ability to walk, and I have been dicked around by men. And the whole time, I have kept up a positive attitude, or tried to. And all around me, my friends and acquaintances were getting married and starting their families, and building a home. And finally, its my turn. My turn to have what I have always wanted, which is a family with a wonderful and amazing man. All I ask is that people just be happy for us. If you can't be happy for us, then please, don't bother saying anything at all. I refuse to let other people's negative comments ruin what is the happiest time of my life.
Last night Phil and I did nothing but have dinner and just hang out for hours, and it was the most fun I have had in a long time. There was nothing real exciting about it, nothing spectacular happened. It was just he and I, spending time together as a couple, laughing and talking. At one point this kid came up asking to use one of our cell phones, and he asked Phil if I was his wife and he said yes, and looked at me and winked. It felt good, it felt right.
A few of my online friends lately have been telling me that this is all happening too fast. That I am being too impulsive, that I can't possibly be feeling what I am feeling. That something must be wrong with the both of us to want to jump into a marriage so quickly. But they don't know us, the chemistry and the dynamic between us. They can't possibly understand the feelings we have, and how when you meet the right person, something just clicks and you just know, they are the one.
I wish that people could just be happy for me, for us, instead of passing judgement on every turn. Maybe we are being impulsive, but maybe it's because we've been out there, we've dated every type of person, we've been through hell and back, and we know what we want and need from a partner. And we've found it in each other. I can honestly say there is nothing that would make me want to go back to dating again. What I have been looking for, resides in Phil, and when I look at him, I see my future. I know people don't understand that. But you don't have to understand, just be happy for us. I am tired of hearing about how I've had a bad track record when it comes to relationships. So what! That's in the past, I have learned from it, and I have moved on. Everything that happened in my past, is just that, the past. It will stay with me, it has made me who I am today, but I don't live my life based on the mistakes and unfortunate circumstances I have been in.
I've been dealt a hard hand in life. From a young age I have dealt with a debilitating disease that has kept me from doing many things I wanted to do. But I have never let it stop me. I've had fallings out with members of my family, I have lost the ability to walk, and I have been dicked around by men. And the whole time, I have kept up a positive attitude, or tried to. And all around me, my friends and acquaintances were getting married and starting their families, and building a home. And finally, its my turn. My turn to have what I have always wanted, which is a family with a wonderful and amazing man. All I ask is that people just be happy for us. If you can't be happy for us, then please, don't bother saying anything at all. I refuse to let other people's negative comments ruin what is the happiest time of my life.
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